Saturday, April 18, 2015

I Lost My Manhood

There's one phrase I hear over and over from men who've had their prostates removed. That phrase is:
"I've lost my manhood".

One of the most distressing and depressing issues to deal with after prostate surgery is erectile dysfunction. On 4/27/13 I came to the realization the following two formulas were true in my life. I believed:
1. Manhood=an erect penis 
2. A flaccid penis=the loss of manhood

You don't realize how powerful these formulas are in your life until you experience erectile dysfunction. Some men never give them up. They hold on to these formulas as representing the truth about their masculinity. If you are one of the men who cling to these formulas, it's highly likely you'll suffer from a severe post-surgery depression.

 In addition you'll bring misery to your marriage, by withdrawing from your partner and avoiding most if not all forms of affection.  Many single men coping with ED who believe these formulas often sentence themselves to a lifetime without dating or love. They don't believe a women could love a man who can't get it up in the bedroom.

It took me two years before I learned two life changing lessons:
Lesson #1- Both formulas are lies.
Lesson #2- Breaking free from these formulas is emotionally painful, takes time, is extremely difficult, and requires a role model.

Jesus was my role model. He chose to live a life that did not include sexual pleasures. Yet Jesus was and I believe still is the greatest example of a man and greatest example of the embodiment of love.

One of the opportunities post surgical ED provides is the opportunity to find other ways to love your partner. How can you do that? Have your partner take the following test:
Love Language Quiz

Discover your partner's love language and make the commitment learn the various ways to express your love to your partner in their primary love language. You will be amazed and the joy, level of contentment and intimacy you can achieve as you wait for your sexual functioning to return.

Don't misunderstand this post, You have BOTH, the capability of pleasing a woman AND you have the capability of being pleased by a woman.  It takes some getting use to, but you can learn to enjoy orgarms with a flaccid penis.

 My advice is to do this with the frequency both  you and your partner desire. If your single, and you know how to be kind, compassionate, affectionate, thoughtful and loving you will find a woman who will think you are a beloved treasure. You and your beloved will create an exciting sex life together.

I'm not making this up, It's something my wife and I were able to do together. You can do it too.

My wife and I wrote and award winning book to help couples reclaim their love life after prostate surgery. You can check it out here:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?

Saturday, April 11, 2015

When You've Lost Your Desire Don't Give Up On Sex

There are a host of reasons why both men and women can lose their desire for sex. From the time I was a teenager up until the day I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at age 57, I had a very strong desire for sex. On a one to ten scale I'd say I was a 10 for at least four decades of my life. That suddenly changed on the day I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. My desire dropped to zero.

 After my prostatectomy I received the news I was cured of cancer. I hoped my desire would return. That never happened. At the time,  I thought that was a good thing since I was coping with erectile dysfunction. Since I didn't want to engage in an activity that brought me shame and failure I wanted to avoid sex at all costs. It took me almost two years before I found ways to enjoy my sexuality while I was impotent. I discovered impotence is another bad reason to give up on sex.

 Four years after prostate surgery  I decided to get a penile implant. A penile implant enabled me to have sex at any time but it didn't effect my long term loss of desire.My desire remained close to zero.
I've heard from many men who say their wives lost interest in sex after menopause. As a result of the loss of desire either on the part of the man or the woman many couples decide it's time to give up on their sex life together. I've come to believe this is frequently a huge mistake. .

In the last few weeks, I've  learned a valuable lesson. You can thoroughly enjoy sex without having a strong desire to do so. At age 63 without much desire, I'm having sex more frequently than any other time in my life. Additionally,  I'm enjoying every encounter. I can say I'm getting greater enjoyment and pleasure now when my desire is close to zero than I did at any time when my desire was at its peak. My wife would agree.

Therefore I've come to the conclusion couples make a serious error if they decide to give up on sex because one or both of them lost their desire. There's lots of pleasure to be found in having an orgasm even though you don't experience a high desire to have one. Not only that, there are wonderful health benefits to maintaing your sex life.

An article on WebMD lists ten health benefits. Here's my top five of those ten:
1. Better sleep- who doesn't want that?
2. Lowers your blood pressure and probably reduces the likelihood of a stroke.
3. Counts as exercise. I call it sexercise. It's become my favorite source of exercise.
4. Sex lowers the risk of a heart attack.
5. Sex lessens pain- something I experience a lot more of at 63 than I did at age 20.
This list is not complete but it sure is compelling.

So give sex another try even if you've lost your desire. Find ways to enjoy sex and experience orgasms. They are highly pleasurable even though you lost your desire for sex. I'm not making this up, I'm telling you what I know from personal experience. I'm looking forward to decades of highly pleasurable and frequent sex as I live with the absence of desire. I wish you  success, pleasure, relationship strengthening and health benefits that sex offers to you and your partner.
If you give this a try, let me know how it worked out for you.

Rick Redner
Author of the award winning book I Left My Prostate In San Francisco-Where's Yours?

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Easter Is The Cure For Cancer

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer I was terrified. Three words came to my mind and I feared each of them. Those three words were pain, suffering and death. More than anything I wanted to make the right treatment decision so I could receive the news I was cured of cancer. I chose robotic surgery. Within a year my surgeon told me he believed I was cured of cancer. Thanking God, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was granted a reprieve.

It didn't take long for me to realize that it won't be prostate cancer that calls me home, but something else will.  In other words, I'm still terminal and so are you.  Unless Jesus comes first, each and every one of us will suffer from an accident, illness,  injury or disease that will end our lives. There is only one permanent cure for a terminal cancer. It's also the cure for our terminal condition.

The cure may be so offensive or unbelievable to you you'll consider it a hoax and refuse to accept it. It's a cure millions of people throughout the ages have accepted. I'm blessed and grateful to be counted among those who've accepted this cure. This cure is unbelievable easy to  attain, yet so many refuse this healing because it comes from Jesus. Your healing from every possible cause of death depends on how you answer a question and invitation from Jesus.  The stakes are very high so give your answer carefully and prayerfully.
Here's Jesus question to you:
He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.  And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?"
John 11:25-27-NKJV

If you said yes, then you can say this with Paul::
"Death is swallowed up in victory."  "O Death, where is your sting?
1 Cor 15:54-55-NKJV

Now you have this promise when you die:
We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. 
2 Cor 5:8-NKJV

In addition Jesus has a special gift prepared for you.
In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.
John 14:2-3-NKJ

You possess an eternal dwelling place in a mansion prepared especially for you by Jesus. If that's all there was for us, dayenu,  it would have been enough, but there's more. We have this promise as well:
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." 
Rev 21:4-5-NKJV

I've asked myself, Why would anyone reject this amazing gift from God? While there are dozens of reasons, the primary reasons to reject this offer are pride, stubbornness, ignorance, unresolved wounds, wealth, or a belief in God that does not include the reality of Jesus resurrection.

Paul wrote these words about the implications of denying  Jesus resurrection:
But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ is not risen.  And if Christ is not risen, then our preaching is empty and your faith is also empty.  Yes, and we are found false witnesses of God, because we have testified of God that He raised up Christ, whom He did not raise up--if in fact the dead do not rise. For if the dead do not rise, then Christ is not risen. And if Christ is not risen, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins!  Then also those who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished.  If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the most pitiable.  1 Cor 15:13-19-NKJV

He concludes by saying
But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 1 Cor 15:20-NKJV

So I say with confidence
"He has risen!" I pray you'll respond, "He has risen indeed!" Happy Easter.

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
 can  be previewed and purchased at