Saturday, April 18, 2015

I Lost My Manhood

There's one phrase I hear over and over from men who've had their prostates removed. That phrase is:
"I've lost my manhood".

One of the most distressing and depressing issues to deal with after prostate surgery is erectile dysfunction. On 4/27/13 I came to the realization the following two formulas were true in my life. I believed:
1. Manhood=an erect penis 
2. A flaccid penis=the loss of manhood

You don't realize how powerful these formulas are in your life until you experience erectile dysfunction. Some men never give them up. They hold on to these formulas as representing the truth about their masculinity. If you are one of the men who cling to these formulas, it's highly likely you'll suffer from a severe post-surgery depression.

 In addition you'll bring misery to your marriage, by withdrawing from your partner and avoiding most if not all forms of affection.  Many single men coping with ED who believe these formulas often sentence themselves to a lifetime without dating or love. They don't believe a women could love a man who can't get it up in the bedroom.

It took me two years before I learned two life changing lessons:
Lesson #1- Both formulas are lies.
Lesson #2- Breaking free from these formulas is emotionally painful, takes time, is extremely difficult, and requires a role model.

Jesus was my role model. He chose to live a life that did not include sexual pleasures. Yet Jesus was and I believe still is the greatest example of a man and greatest example of the embodiment of love.

One of the opportunities post surgical ED provides is the opportunity to find other ways to love your partner. How can you do that? Have your partner take the following test:
Love Language Quiz

Discover your partner's love language and make the commitment learn the various ways to express your love to your partner in their primary love language. You will be amazed and the joy, level of contentment and intimacy you can achieve as you wait for your sexual functioning to return.

Don't misunderstand this post, You have BOTH, the capability of pleasing a woman AND you have the capability of being pleased by a woman.  It takes some getting use to, but you can learn to enjoy orgarms with a flaccid penis.

 My advice is to do this with the frequency both  you and your partner desire. If your single, and you know how to be kind, compassionate, affectionate, thoughtful and loving you will find a woman who will think you are a beloved treasure. You and your beloved will create an exciting sex life together.

I'm not making this up, It's something my wife and I were able to do together. You can do it too.

My wife and I wrote and award winning book to help couples reclaim their love life after prostate surgery. You can check it out here:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?