Saturday, April 11, 2015

When You've Lost Your Desire Don't Give Up On Sex

There are a host of reasons why both men and women can lose their desire for sex. From the time I was a teenager up until the day I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at age 57, I had a very strong desire for sex. On a one to ten scale I'd say I was a 10 for at least four decades of my life. That suddenly changed on the day I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. My desire dropped to zero.

 After my prostatectomy I received the news I was cured of cancer. I hoped my desire would return. That never happened. At the time,  I thought that was a good thing since I was coping with erectile dysfunction. Since I didn't want to engage in an activity that brought me shame and failure I wanted to avoid sex at all costs. It took me almost two years before I found ways to enjoy my sexuality while I was impotent. I discovered impotence is another bad reason to give up on sex.

 Four years after prostate surgery  I decided to get a penile implant. A penile implant enabled me to have sex at any time but it didn't effect my long term loss of desire.My desire remained close to zero.
I've heard from many men who say their wives lost interest in sex after menopause. As a result of the loss of desire either on the part of the man or the woman many couples decide it's time to give up on their sex life together. I've come to believe this is frequently a huge mistake. .

In the last few weeks, I've  learned a valuable lesson. You can thoroughly enjoy sex without having a strong desire to do so. At age 63 without much desire, I'm having sex more frequently than any other time in my life. Additionally,  I'm enjoying every encounter. I can say I'm getting greater enjoyment and pleasure now when my desire is close to zero than I did at any time when my desire was at its peak. My wife would agree.

Therefore I've come to the conclusion couples make a serious error if they decide to give up on sex because one or both of them lost their desire. There's lots of pleasure to be found in having an orgasm even though you don't experience a high desire to have one. Not only that, there are wonderful health benefits to maintaing your sex life.

An article on WebMD lists ten health benefits. Here's my top five of those ten:
1. Better sleep- who doesn't want that?
2. Lowers your blood pressure and probably reduces the likelihood of a stroke.
3. Counts as exercise. I call it sexercise. It's become my favorite source of exercise.
4. Sex lowers the risk of a heart attack.
5. Sex lessens pain- something I experience a lot more of at 63 than I did at age 20.
This list is not complete but it sure is compelling.

So give sex another try even if you've lost your desire. Find ways to enjoy sex and experience orgasms. They are highly pleasurable even though you lost your desire for sex. I'm not making this up, I'm telling you what I know from personal experience. I'm looking forward to decades of highly pleasurable and frequent sex as I live with the absence of desire. I wish you  success, pleasure, relationship strengthening and health benefits that sex offers to you and your partner.
If you give this a try, let me know how it worked out for you.

Rick Redner
Author of the award winning book I Left My Prostate In San Francisco-Where's Yours?