Did you ever read something then say to yourself I wished I'd read that years ago? I had that experience when I read a sermon that Charles Spurgeon gave about the topic of care & prayer.
Here's a summary of what he wrote:
Once you become careful, anxious, fretful, you will never be able to count your cares, even though you might count the hairs of your head. And cares are apt to multiply to those who are care-full and when you are as full of care as you think you can be, you will be sure to have another crop cares growing up all around you.
Cares are numerous and, therefore, let your prayers be as numerous.
Turn everything that is a care into a prayer. Let your cares be the raw material of your prayers and, as the alchemists hoped to turn dross into gold, so you, by a holy alchemy, actually turn what naturally would have been a care into spiritual treasure in the form of prayer.
Since a large portion of those who read both my blog, pre surgery, & post surgery forum are not Christians, I wanted to reach them without offending them, so I made the decision not include a very important part from Spurgeon's sermon.
Now I have to ask myself did I misrepresent what I wanted to share about prayer by leaving out an essential truth? I suspect I did. What good is it to pray if you are praying to a God of your own imagination? Is there any value in that? I suppose there could some value in that in the same way some people experience an improvement in symptoms when they are given a placebo.
If prayers are going to be answered by the Creator of the Universe, it's important they be directed to the Creator of the Universe. Otherwise you might as well hold up your pillow and pray to that or anything else of your choosing.
So here's the last line I left out:
Baptize every anxiety into the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit—and so make it into a blessing!
Agree or disagree, we are blessed to live in a free country. Our culture places very little value on Biblical truth, but when you are coping with a potentially terminal disease, it's important for me as a Christian to tell the Truth with a capital T.
You can turn your very real fears and cares into prayers. I pray you will be wise enough to do that by directing your prayers to the Creator of the universe.
As a result of my decision to leave out the last sentence, I created a new Facebook Page for Christians Coping with Cancer. where prayer and bible verses will be welcome.
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours? can be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com
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Sunday, March 1, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
Why I Decided to Get a Penile Implant
Almost four years ago, I had my prostate removed via da Vinci surgery. I had double nerve sparing surgery. My surgeon was certain I'd regain erectile functioning. I participated in a penile rehab program which included penile injections. I had no doubt my erectile functioning would return.
Over the course of the next 3 years I had off and on results with ED medication. Approximately 50% of the time I could achieve an erection that worked. In the 4th year nothing worked. My failure rate jumped from 50% of the time to 100% of the time. It was clear that I was facing the rest of my life with erectile dysfunction that would respond to injections or medication.
At age 63 I asked myself an important question. Did I want to live out the next 10-15 years of my life without the ability to have sexual intercourse. My answer to this question surprised me. I'd gotten older than I realized. In my 30's, 40's and 50's, it would me a second to answer that question with a resounding NO. I was now in my 60's and what my wife thought about the whole matter was important. If she said I wouldn't miss making love with you, I would not have bothered with a surgery.
Both of us missed the physical closeness that's all part of making love . Both of us wanted to have this experience again. When I say again, I'm not talking about making love once a month, I'm talking about multiple times per/week.
Three weeks ago I went to UCSF for penile implant surgery. I must confess I was embarrassed each time a nurse entered my room. They knew exactly what type of surgery I had and why. I wondered if they were disgusted or grossed out with the thought that a 63 year old man enjoys sex.
According to Hollywood, sexuality is reserved for the young and beautiful. I do not possess either of those qualities. Yet in our 60's both my wife and I agree that our sex life is better now in our 60's than it was in our 20's. I wouldn't go back.
In Feb 2015, I made a decision to get back what cancer took away, my erectile abilities. In a few weeks my wife and I will have a test run on my new bionic equipment. Since ED is such a distressing act of life for many men without a prostate, I'll be reporting back about my experiences and whether or not it's worth it to go through the risks and pain of this surgical procedure.
Over the course of the next 3 years I had off and on results with ED medication. Approximately 50% of the time I could achieve an erection that worked. In the 4th year nothing worked. My failure rate jumped from 50% of the time to 100% of the time. It was clear that I was facing the rest of my life with erectile dysfunction that would respond to injections or medication.
At age 63 I asked myself an important question. Did I want to live out the next 10-15 years of my life without the ability to have sexual intercourse. My answer to this question surprised me. I'd gotten older than I realized. In my 30's, 40's and 50's, it would me a second to answer that question with a resounding NO. I was now in my 60's and what my wife thought about the whole matter was important. If she said I wouldn't miss making love with you, I would not have bothered with a surgery.
Both of us missed the physical closeness that's all part of making love . Both of us wanted to have this experience again. When I say again, I'm not talking about making love once a month, I'm talking about multiple times per/week.
Three weeks ago I went to UCSF for penile implant surgery. I must confess I was embarrassed each time a nurse entered my room. They knew exactly what type of surgery I had and why. I wondered if they were disgusted or grossed out with the thought that a 63 year old man enjoys sex.
According to Hollywood, sexuality is reserved for the young and beautiful. I do not possess either of those qualities. Yet in our 60's both my wife and I agree that our sex life is better now in our 60's than it was in our 20's. I wouldn't go back.
In Feb 2015, I made a decision to get back what cancer took away, my erectile abilities. In a few weeks my wife and I will have a test run on my new bionic equipment. Since ED is such a distressing act of life for many men without a prostate, I'll be reporting back about my experiences and whether or not it's worth it to go through the risks and pain of this surgical procedure.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Penile Implant Surgery Tips
Did you ever wish for a re-do button that would allow you to re-do a decision or event knowing what you know today. Even though I'd spent hours on-line researching information on penile implants and reading dozens of threads written by men who've had surgery, I didn't get the information I needed.
I thought I'd make a list of things that I didn't know but wished I had. One week post surgery, if someone offered me a re-do button, I'd push it without hesitation.
Knowing these ten recommendations would prevent a week of unrelenting pain. I'd have avoided waiting an extra 3-5 weeks to have my implant activated. I would have reduced the number of weeks I had to stay at home unable to drive a car or go back to work. In other words, this list could save you from unnecessary grief, delays in healing, and physical pain.
If you are considering a penile implant, allow this blog to replace your wish for a re-do button.
1. Insist your surgeon use a drain-otherwise your scrotum could swell up to the size of a grapefruit
I thought I'd make a list of things that I didn't know but wished I had. One week post surgery, if someone offered me a re-do button, I'd push it without hesitation.
Knowing these ten recommendations would prevent a week of unrelenting pain. I'd have avoided waiting an extra 3-5 weeks to have my implant activated. I would have reduced the number of weeks I had to stay at home unable to drive a car or go back to work. In other words, this list could save you from unnecessary grief, delays in healing, and physical pain.
If you are considering a penile implant, allow this blog to replace your wish for a re-do button.
1. Insist your surgeon use a drain-otherwise your scrotum could swell up to the size of a grapefruit
2. Jock straps aren't the right support for everyone. Sometimes they will cause the pain you are trying to avoid. If you decide to use a jock strap make sure it's large enough to give you the scrotum support you need. Not all jock straps are created equal. The wrong strap will cause you serious pain.
3. If your scrotum is too large for comfortable support from the jack strap use a folded towel. Don't let a swollen scrotum just hang down with no support.
4. If compression underwear is comfortable use it. If it hurts go with loose fitting boxers with some form of scrotal support.
5. If non narcotic pain meds are not effective start with a STRONG narcotic pain med or you may suffer from unnecessary pain. It took a week of unrelenting pain before I got an effective pain med.
6. Don't over use ice. You can't decrease the time it take to reduce you swelling, but it will feel good. No more than 20 minutes at a time. No more than 3-4 times in a day.
7. It takes effort to find a comfortable way to sit in a chair. You'll need some type of support under your scrotum in order to sit without discomfort.
8. Reclining chairs are wonderful. I slept in one for a week
9. If you sleep on your stomach as I do, you may find it necessary to sleep on your back. It was impossible for me to sleep on my back a flat bed. For the first week I slept on a recliner. Then my wife and I purchased a sleep number bed which allowed me to adjust the head and feet. With the head portion up I was able to sleep in bed, on my back.
10, Even with the most comfortable recliner and sleep number bed I could not fall asleep without the use of medication. I had my Doctor order a month supply of sleep medication Every few days I'd to go asleep without medication. The following rule governs my use of medication for sleep: I'm still awake 1 hour past the time I go to bed, I'll take medication for sleep. I've used sleep medication seven out of the last eight nights.
Eight nights post surgery (with severe scrotum swelling) It's too painful to sleep on my stomach and . I truly hate sleeping on my back, Our reclining chair was a life saver. What brought me back to my bedroom was a very expensive (but worth the price) sleep number bed with adjusting head and foot positioning. I long as my head is raised up by a 45 degree angle or more, with the help of medication, I can sleep well.
Sleep is essential for healing. If you have having difficulty in this area, make sure to discuss this with your Surgeon or your General Physician, Sleep impacts how you will heal and how you will feel.
Rick Redner & Brenda Redner are the authors of:
I Left My Prostate In San Francisco-Where's Yours?
Their award wining book was written to help men and couples cope with prostate cancer
9. If you sleep on your stomach as I do, you may find it necessary to sleep on your back. It was impossible for me to sleep on my back a flat bed. For the first week I slept on a recliner. Then my wife and I purchased a sleep number bed which allowed me to adjust the head and feet. With the head portion up I was able to sleep in bed, on my back.
10, Even with the most comfortable recliner and sleep number bed I could not fall asleep without the use of medication. I had my Doctor order a month supply of sleep medication Every few days I'd to go asleep without medication. The following rule governs my use of medication for sleep: I'm still awake 1 hour past the time I go to bed, I'll take medication for sleep. I've used sleep medication seven out of the last eight nights.
Eight nights post surgery (with severe scrotum swelling) It's too painful to sleep on my stomach and . I truly hate sleeping on my back, Our reclining chair was a life saver. What brought me back to my bedroom was a very expensive (but worth the price) sleep number bed with adjusting head and foot positioning. I long as my head is raised up by a 45 degree angle or more, with the help of medication, I can sleep well.
Sleep is essential for healing. If you have having difficulty in this area, make sure to discuss this with your Surgeon or your General Physician, Sleep impacts how you will heal and how you will feel.
Rick Redner & Brenda Redner are the authors of:
I Left My Prostate In San Francisco-Where's Yours?
Their award wining book was written to help men and couples cope with prostate cancer
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Asking For Help That Never Comes
Anytime we find ourselves in the role of a patient, whether we like it or not, we find ourselves extremely dependent upon our doctors. In addition, we have some unspoken expectations that are reasonable expectations toward those who are treating us. We can reasonably expect our doctors
1. To evaluate our symptoms and accurately come to a diagnosis
2. To posses the skills to treat our disease or refer us to someone who does
3. To posses the skills to perform a procedure, test or treatment for our specific disease
4. To provide appropriate after care and pain control
5. To be available by phone in the event of an emergency
If any of these assumptions prove incorrect, we as the patient, may experience something very unpleasant, life altering or life threatening.
This week I went to UCSF for a penile implant. There was no doubt in my mind this was the appropriate form of treatment for my post prostatectomy erectile dysfunction. I had absolute confidence in my surgeon's skill level and ability to perform this procedure.
After three days at home, it became clear that I was experiencing an allergic reaction to my narcotic pain medication. I was experiencing difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, and an annoying wheeze. When I stopped taking my pain medication all of those symptoms stopped. Unfortunately, so did my relief from pain.
On Wednesday morning I called my surgeon's office. I told them this was an post operative emergency situation. I explained that was unable to tolerate my current pain medication. I asked his nurse to have my surgeon call in a new script as soon as possible. She assured me help was on the way and I believed her.
At 5:15pm I discovered I'd made costly and inaccurate assumption. I believed my surgeon's nurse that help was on the way in the form of a new prescription. I neglected confirm this assumption by calling my pharmacy BEFORE 5pm.
If I 'd followed up and checked it out rather than believe, I would have discovered that a script was not called in. At 5:15pm. my surgeon's office was closed. Everyone had gone home, leaving me in severe pain without a new prescription.
My first plan involved calling the office within the first five minutes of their arrival the following morning. I planned to speak with the Office Manager with righteous indignation. I'd tell her that I'd just been through 24 hours of unrelenting and excruciating pain because a nurse ignored my phone call on the previous day. I'd demand she interrupt whatever my surgeon was doing to get me a new pain medication RIGHT NOW!.
Fortunately, my pain spoke to me, asking a very simple question which demonstrated the foolishness of my plan. Here's the question that changed my planned course of action: Are you prepared to spend a sleepless night in unrelenting pain? My answer to that question was a resounding NO. That meant it was time to do something about my pain right now at 5:20pm.
I found the number for the On-Call Resident. I left a message with the operator. Within ten minutes I speaking to a doctor. I told him what happened. Five minutes later my pharmacy received a phone call for new pain medication. My wife drove to the pharmacy to pick it up. After taking my new pain medication I was able to slept continuously for the six hours. Clearly, calling the On Call Resident led to a much better outcome for me than waiting all night without pain relief.
When I go for my first post operative check which happens to be tomorrow, I'll make a complaint to both the Office Manager & to my surgeon. There's no reason to be mad at him, I doubt he was told that I called. He needs to know that his office staff are not following through with patient care.
Making this complaint doesn't take away or make up for the unnecessary time I spent without pain relief. There's a lesson here for all of us who find ourselves in the role of a patient. We can't assume things will go as planned or we'll receive the appropriate care we need with a single request or phone call.
I learned whenever I need immediate and necessary care, it's foolish to wait until the doctor's office is closed before I check and monitor what is and isn't getting done. I wish this wasn't true, but in the end it's our responsibility to hold our health care providers accountable. Making repeated phone calls in a single day may not be our style, but it is necessary, if we don't want to pay the price of being forgotten.
Rick Redner & Brenda Redner are the authors of:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?
A book written to help couples cope with prostate cancer, and life without a prostate
1. To evaluate our symptoms and accurately come to a diagnosis
2. To posses the skills to treat our disease or refer us to someone who does
3. To posses the skills to perform a procedure, test or treatment for our specific disease
4. To provide appropriate after care and pain control
5. To be available by phone in the event of an emergency
If any of these assumptions prove incorrect, we as the patient, may experience something very unpleasant, life altering or life threatening.
This week I went to UCSF for a penile implant. There was no doubt in my mind this was the appropriate form of treatment for my post prostatectomy erectile dysfunction. I had absolute confidence in my surgeon's skill level and ability to perform this procedure.
After three days at home, it became clear that I was experiencing an allergic reaction to my narcotic pain medication. I was experiencing difficulty breathing, shortness of breath, and an annoying wheeze. When I stopped taking my pain medication all of those symptoms stopped. Unfortunately, so did my relief from pain.
On Wednesday morning I called my surgeon's office. I told them this was an post operative emergency situation. I explained that was unable to tolerate my current pain medication. I asked his nurse to have my surgeon call in a new script as soon as possible. She assured me help was on the way and I believed her.
At 5:15pm I discovered I'd made costly and inaccurate assumption. I believed my surgeon's nurse that help was on the way in the form of a new prescription. I neglected confirm this assumption by calling my pharmacy BEFORE 5pm.
If I 'd followed up and checked it out rather than believe, I would have discovered that a script was not called in. At 5:15pm. my surgeon's office was closed. Everyone had gone home, leaving me in severe pain without a new prescription.
My first plan involved calling the office within the first five minutes of their arrival the following morning. I planned to speak with the Office Manager with righteous indignation. I'd tell her that I'd just been through 24 hours of unrelenting and excruciating pain because a nurse ignored my phone call on the previous day. I'd demand she interrupt whatever my surgeon was doing to get me a new pain medication RIGHT NOW!.
Fortunately, my pain spoke to me, asking a very simple question which demonstrated the foolishness of my plan. Here's the question that changed my planned course of action: Are you prepared to spend a sleepless night in unrelenting pain? My answer to that question was a resounding NO. That meant it was time to do something about my pain right now at 5:20pm.
I found the number for the On-Call Resident. I left a message with the operator. Within ten minutes I speaking to a doctor. I told him what happened. Five minutes later my pharmacy received a phone call for new pain medication. My wife drove to the pharmacy to pick it up. After taking my new pain medication I was able to slept continuously for the six hours. Clearly, calling the On Call Resident led to a much better outcome for me than waiting all night without pain relief.
When I go for my first post operative check which happens to be tomorrow, I'll make a complaint to both the Office Manager & to my surgeon. There's no reason to be mad at him, I doubt he was told that I called. He needs to know that his office staff are not following through with patient care.
Making this complaint doesn't take away or make up for the unnecessary time I spent without pain relief. There's a lesson here for all of us who find ourselves in the role of a patient. We can't assume things will go as planned or we'll receive the appropriate care we need with a single request or phone call.
I learned whenever I need immediate and necessary care, it's foolish to wait until the doctor's office is closed before I check and monitor what is and isn't getting done. I wish this wasn't true, but in the end it's our responsibility to hold our health care providers accountable. Making repeated phone calls in a single day may not be our style, but it is necessary, if we don't want to pay the price of being forgotten.
Rick Redner & Brenda Redner are the authors of:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?
A book written to help couples cope with prostate cancer, and life without a prostate
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
WestBow's Real Authors Real Impact Campaign Features I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Your?
Author Solutions Real Authors, Real
Impact Campaign
Redner
hopes to help men and couples cope with prostate cancer.
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- Jan. 26, 2015 --
Author Solutions, LLC, a Penguin Random House company and the world’s
leading provider of supported self-publishing services, is featuring
Rick Redner, author of the WestBow Press title I Left My Prostate in
San Francisco—Where's Yours? through its ongoing Real Authors, Real
Impact campaign.
One in seven American men will be
diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. At age 58, Redner
went to a routine exam, during which his life was turned upside down
when his urologist discovered a suspicious lump on his prostate.
Redner recalled the rapid transition in his life—from feeling
healthy one moment to discovering he could be facing a
life-threatening cancer the next.
“My wife and I found ourselves
totally unprepared for so many issues we’d face together,” Redner
said. “We decided to use our experiences to give other couples the
opportunity to be better prepared than we were.”
Prostate surgery results in both
temporary and permanent changes that affect emotional, relational,
sexual and spiritual life together as individuals and as a couple.
Redner said he and his wife discovered quickly that prostate cancer
is not a man’s disease -- it’s a couple’s disease.
“It became evident to us that we were
called to write a book to help others cope with prostate cancer and
to reach men and couples inside and outside of the United States,”
says Redner. “We’ve had the opportunity to share our experiences
on radio talk shows, write articles for magazines and host an online,
faith-based pre- and post-prostate surgery support forum, which
receives thousands of page views per month. We stand in awe at the
number of doors that continue to open for us to help others. None of
this would have or could have happened if we ignored the call to
write our book.”
Redner believes his book has created
the opportunity to reach people all over the world through social
media and his website. “Men and women from the United Kingdom,
Canada, Ireland, Australia, France, India, Mexico, Poland and Romania
have visited our online ministries. We touched the lives of tens of
thousands of people around the world.”
To learn more about authors
self-publishing books to impact the lives of others, please visit
http://www.authorsolutions.com/Our-Authors/Making-An-Impact/.
Follow@authorsolutions on
Twitter and “Like” us at facebook.com/AuthorSolutions
for the latest self-publishing news; and visit
authorsolutions.com
for more information on our supported self-publishing services.
My transformation from a frightened man newly diagnosed with prostate cancer to a writer, author and speaker was nothing short of amazing to me.
If you wish to purchase my book here's the link: I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?
My transformation from a frightened man newly diagnosed with prostate cancer to a writer, author and speaker was nothing short of amazing to me.
If you wish to purchase my book here's the link: I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
A Penile Implant Dilemma- To Tell or Not To Tell- An Important Issue to Resolve
As I was working through all the details to take off from work in order to have surgery, I was faced with questions and a natural curiosity about the reason for my surgery. Most of the people who know me are aware that I'm a prostate cancer survivor. Therefore, there was some degree of concern or alarm that my surgery was related to a return of prostate cancer.
I wanted to put people's mind at ease without having to tell anyone "The reason I'm having my surgery is to treat my erectile dysfunction." or "I'm going into surgery for a penile implant."
I decided to answer all inquires in a way that enabled me to maintain my privacy. If someone asked: "What type of surgery are you having? I'd answer: "I'm having a restorative surgery." I was grateful that no one asked me "What exactly is it that you're getting restored?" I have no idea how I would have answered that question.
After surgery, I discovered a down side to keeping things to yourself. By keeping the reason for my surgery private I robbed myself of the opportunity to share my joy, concerns, trials or fears pre or post surgery. I will share my deepest fear about the penile implant here with you.
I imagine myself on a romantic getaway with my wife. We have a wonderful sexual encounter. Now it's time to lay peacefully in each others arms. I discover one problem. I can't find the release valve for the implant. Our time in bed is cut short because I need to locate and drive to the closest Emergency Room. Once I arrive, I'll need to explain that I'm stuck with an bionic erection that won't go down. The only person who could help me is someone who knows where the release valve is located in my scrotum. Since this isn't the type of medical problem that occurs every day, I suspect they'd need to phone someone who has the experience to find find the release valve in my scrotum. I imagine myself sitting in an exam room for hours with an erection, waiting for that one specific person to arrive. Upon their arrival, I'd have to pull my pants down and allow a total stranger to feel my scrotum in order to find and press the release value. This event would humiliate and probably scar me for life.
To prevent my fear from becoming a reality, my wife is coming with me when I learn to inflate and deflate the implant. If I can't find the release value I want to be certain my wife can. There's no way I want to suffer that type of humiliation.
If you've made a decision to keep a procedure or surgery private, there are places to go where you can share your experiences with people who know exactly what you are going through. On-line you can find forums for every treatment, surgery or procedure. In these forums you can share your their fears and concerns, You can ask questions and get great answers from people further along the journey that you are on. Since this is a blog about implants, here's a link to an active forum: about penile implants: Frank Talk Implant Discussions
If I had the opportunity to go back in time and start again, I'd make the same choice. I don't need to tell friends or family about my erectile dysfunction or my decision to have a penile implant. That said, I think it's important for a man considering an implant have the opportunity to speak with men who made that decision.
After surgery it's great to be contact with men who have helpful and creative tips with regard to dealing with post surgery issues and lots of experience using the implant. My implant surgery isn't something I want to share with friends and family, but I do believe it's vitally important to reach out to obtain information, support encouragement, advice and help from folks who've traveled further along the road you are traveling.
I wanted to put people's mind at ease without having to tell anyone "The reason I'm having my surgery is to treat my erectile dysfunction." or "I'm going into surgery for a penile implant."
I decided to answer all inquires in a way that enabled me to maintain my privacy. If someone asked: "What type of surgery are you having? I'd answer: "I'm having a restorative surgery." I was grateful that no one asked me "What exactly is it that you're getting restored?" I have no idea how I would have answered that question.
After surgery, I discovered a down side to keeping things to yourself. By keeping the reason for my surgery private I robbed myself of the opportunity to share my joy, concerns, trials or fears pre or post surgery. I will share my deepest fear about the penile implant here with you.
I imagine myself on a romantic getaway with my wife. We have a wonderful sexual encounter. Now it's time to lay peacefully in each others arms. I discover one problem. I can't find the release valve for the implant. Our time in bed is cut short because I need to locate and drive to the closest Emergency Room. Once I arrive, I'll need to explain that I'm stuck with an bionic erection that won't go down. The only person who could help me is someone who knows where the release valve is located in my scrotum. Since this isn't the type of medical problem that occurs every day, I suspect they'd need to phone someone who has the experience to find find the release valve in my scrotum. I imagine myself sitting in an exam room for hours with an erection, waiting for that one specific person to arrive. Upon their arrival, I'd have to pull my pants down and allow a total stranger to feel my scrotum in order to find and press the release value. This event would humiliate and probably scar me for life.
To prevent my fear from becoming a reality, my wife is coming with me when I learn to inflate and deflate the implant. If I can't find the release value I want to be certain my wife can. There's no way I want to suffer that type of humiliation.
If you've made a decision to keep a procedure or surgery private, there are places to go where you can share your experiences with people who know exactly what you are going through. On-line you can find forums for every treatment, surgery or procedure. In these forums you can share your their fears and concerns, You can ask questions and get great answers from people further along the journey that you are on. Since this is a blog about implants, here's a link to an active forum: about penile implants: Frank Talk Implant Discussions
If I had the opportunity to go back in time and start again, I'd make the same choice. I don't need to tell friends or family about my erectile dysfunction or my decision to have a penile implant. That said, I think it's important for a man considering an implant have the opportunity to speak with men who made that decision.
After surgery it's great to be contact with men who have helpful and creative tips with regard to dealing with post surgery issues and lots of experience using the implant. My implant surgery isn't something I want to share with friends and family, but I do believe it's vitally important to reach out to obtain information, support encouragement, advice and help from folks who've traveled further along the road you are traveling.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Everything I Do Is Embarrassing To My Children
As I was shaving and getting myself ready for surgery the following song began to play in my head. It came from the My Fair Lady. The song title is Get Me To The Church On Time. A few of the lyrics were tweaked as I sang this song looking into the mirror while shaving:
I'm gettin' an implant in the morning
Ding, dong, the bells are gonna chime
Pull out the stopper, we'll have a whopper
But get me to Admissions on time
Ding, dong, the bells are gonna chime
Pull out the stopper, we'll have a whopper
But get me to Admissions on time
I got to get there in the morning
Spruced up and lookin' in my prime
Girls come and kiss me, say that you'll miss me
But get me to Admissions on time. Be sure to get me to Admission on time.
Spruced up and lookin' in my prime
Girls come and kiss me, say that you'll miss me
But get me to Admissions on time. Be sure to get me to Admission on time.
.
In order to arrive on time, we'd slept in San Francisco. I didn't want to drive ninety miles in the middle of the night. We had the hotel give us a wake up call at 5am. My admissions appointment was for 6am. From where we stayed, it would take all of five minutes to drive to UCSF.
As I thought about getting dressed, I knew within minutes of my arrival I'd be asked to change into a hospital gown. I was wearing very comfortable pajamas and I couldn't think of a single reason why I should change into street clothes. When I shared this plan with my daughter she rolled her eyes and made it clear she'd so embarrassed she wouldn't been seen within a mile of me walking into UCSF in my pajamas.
I've been a parent for so long that I can't remember a time when I wasn't an embarrassment to at least one my children. In my younger years I felt bad about this. I wanted my kids to see me as cool dude who their friends would admire. Somewhere in the first decade of parenting I gave up on that idea.
Now, with more than three decades of embarrassing my children under my belt, I use their embarrassment as a beacon of light which tells me what I'm about to do is the right thing to do. Once I heard my daughter express her embarrassment, I was certain that going to the UCSF Admissions Department in my pajamas was the right thing to do. In my mind's eye, I imagined walking around the hospital in my pajamas (rather than a hospital gown) would make me look like a VIP.
As I thought about getting dressed, I knew within minutes of my arrival I'd be asked to change into a hospital gown. I was wearing very comfortable pajamas and I couldn't think of a single reason why I should change into street clothes. When I shared this plan with my daughter she rolled her eyes and made it clear she'd so embarrassed she wouldn't been seen within a mile of me walking into UCSF in my pajamas.
I've been a parent for so long that I can't remember a time when I wasn't an embarrassment to at least one my children. In my younger years I felt bad about this. I wanted my kids to see me as cool dude who their friends would admire. Somewhere in the first decade of parenting I gave up on that idea.
Now, with more than three decades of embarrassing my children under my belt, I use their embarrassment as a beacon of light which tells me what I'm about to do is the right thing to do. Once I heard my daughter express her embarrassment, I was certain that going to the UCSF Admissions Department in my pajamas was the right thing to do. In my mind's eye, I imagined walking around the hospital in my pajamas (rather than a hospital gown) would make me look like a VIP.
I thought my idea was so practical, I was genuinely surprised everyone else who came to the Admissions Office at 6am was wearing their street clothes. I decided then and there I was the only one in the room that had a lick of common sense. After signing a few papers I was led to a room, handed a hospital gown and told to change. I imagined some poor guy in another room fumbling with his belt in the time it took me to change from my pajamas into my hospital gown.
I don't want to leave you with the impression that I'm a totally heartless parent unconcerned about embarrassing my kids. I was going into surgery for a penile implant. I didn't want this very personal and private decision to become a source of embarrassment to any of my kids. Therefore, I told each of them that I was going to UCSF for a "restorative surgery." Truth be told, I'm extremely embarrassed to discuss the state of my penis or the fact that I'm getting an penile implant with any of my children. I've only discussed this surgery with a handful of friends and family. I've done my best to keep the reason for my surgery private.
The irony of keeping my surgery private in my personal life then sharing my experiences on line with hundreds of people isn't lost on me. In order for me to share my experiences on-line, it's been necessary to overcome my embarrassment and desire for privacy. I believe I've been called to help others as I share my experiences with prostate cancer, erectile dysfunction, and now with a penile implant. Sometimes I not only embarrass my children, I'm called to embarrass myself as well.
If my kids follow my blog or like my Prostate Cancer Facebook Page, they'll know I've had a penile implant and I hope they'll understand my calling to share my experiences with complete strangers.
In the end, I'm not sure whether I'm blessed or cursed with a common sense that runs counter to the general public, but of this I'm certain, I'll always be a source of embarrassment to at least one of my kids on any given day.
Rick Redner & his wife Brenda are the authors of :
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?
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