Monday, August 24, 2015

Men with prostate cancer least likely to treat their erectile dysfunction

I recently came across a study that researched the medical records of six million men diagnosed with erectile dysfunction. The results were alarming, 75% of the men diagnosed with ED did not seek treatment. Here's a link to a discussion of this study:
Why Men Refuse to treat their ED

What caught my eye was the dismal statistics for men who were diagnosed with prostate cancer.  
"When Helfand looked to see what bearing other health conditions might have had on treatment, he found those with prostate cancer were least likely to be treated. Only 15 percent were."

This means 85% of the men diagnosed with prostate cancer who develop ED will NOT get treatment for their erectile dysfunction.

Unfortunately the study didn't address the reasons for these dismal statistics but as a man with prostate cancer coping with ED I can make some educated guesses as to why this is so. Here are a few reasons why men resist/refuse to treat their erectile dysfunction.

1. Embarrassment- Many men are so ashamed of their ED they won't even discuss this with their                                       partner. If a man is controlled by the emotions of shame or embarrassment they
                                  won't seek treatment.

2. Anger and/or       Many men, especially those with double nerve sparing surgery expected to
    Betrayal                recover their erectile dysfunction. When that doesn't happen these men feel
                                  betrayed. They decide not to trust another physician. They make a vow they
                                  won't go within a mile of another doctor.

3. Expensive ED      This group of men go the pharmacy and receive sticker shock. They discover
   Medication            their insurance leaves them with a bill of $80 or more for 4 pills that may or.
                                  or may not work. They decide the medication is too expensive.

4. Men Don't Ask    Women are much more likely to visit a doctor than men. If you are one of those
    For Help               guys who refuse to ask for directions when you're lost how likely is it you'll go
                                   to a doctor for medical advice?  Not very likely at all.

If you are one of those men suffering from ED as a result of prostate cancer I urge you to make an appointment with your doctor to discuss treating your ED. Unfortunately, neither pills or penile injections worked for me. Since I did not want to live with impotence for the rest of my life I sought out another option.

 I decided to trust another surgeon in order to have penile implant surgery. When your impotence is caused by prostate cancer or the treatment of prostate cancer most, insurance companies pay for this procedure. Both my wife and I are delighted with the results and the restoration of my erectile functioning. We couldn't be happier with this decision. Implant surgery is not the right decision for every man coping with ED. There is something I can say that applies to every man who hates living with impotence:
Do the manly thing. Make an appointment with your doctor, surgeon or urologist to discuss treatment options for your erectile dysfunction. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?
Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of  Prostate Cancer
 can  be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com


Sunday, July 26, 2015

Suicide is NOT The Cure For Erectile Dysfunction

Coping with the loss of erectile functioning is often a traumatic experience for men. It's also traumatic to their partner. Unfortunately men do the very worst thing possible as they cope with this trauma. They withdraw from their partner. They withdraw physically and emotionally.

This leaves a couple struggling with a highly stressful change in their relationship coping together alone.  Coping with a crisis alone rather than together is emotionally and relationally dangerous. Here's a letter I received from a wife whose husband suffered from ED after his prostate removed:

My husband had a robotic prostatectomy in 2006.  Surgery cured his cancer but left him impotent and this killed his soul. We loved each other deeply and each of us knew that, but there was nothing I could do to heal his pain. If I tried to initiate intimacy, he would become anxious and push me away. Alternately, he would initiate intimacy when he had self-medicated with alcohol, which was difficult for me and never had a good outcome. Humor didn't go far, either. He felt damaged and wasn't a group kind of guy, so he never received professional help for his emotional pain and went deeper into depression. He committed suicide on August 7th of last year. While his impotence wasn't the only issue that drove him to his decision to end his life, it was a major factor in his feeling life wasn't worth living It's heart-breaking for our family.

I don't think a week goes by in my life where I haven't thought about this tragedy. This tragedy has all the elements of the mistakes men make they cope with ED. Here's a list of those mistakes:

*Pushing your partner away when she tries to initiate intimacy.
*Pushing your partner away emotionally. 
*Self medicating with drugs or alcohol.
*Losing your ability to laugh and enjoy humor (a symptom of depression)
*Feeling  irreparably damaged as a man.
*Refusing help of any kind

These behaviors are all to common among men coping with erectile dysfunction. I wanted to do something to help men facing erectile dysfunction, so I created an on-line forum where men could visit in the privacy of their home and receive both support and information. If you or someone you love is coping with erectile dysfunction, share this blog and link with them

Erectile Dysfunction & Penile Implant Forum
.

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?
Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
can  be previewed and purchased at Amazon.com




Sunday, July 19, 2015

Eight Destructive Ways to Think About Erectile Dysfunctioning

It's easy to make a lot of mistakes when coping with ED. I've made my fair share. Each mistake had a devastating impact on my psychological well being and my marriage. Here's a list of common mistakes men make. Don't be surprised to find out you've made more than one mistake. These are very destructive ways to think about erectile dysfunction: 

Mistake #1 "I've lost my manhood."-This mistaken way of thinking is the fuel for most of the other mistakes men make. If you believe your manhood depends upon your erectile functioning and you lose that ability, you come to the conclusion you've lost your manhood. From this way of thinking your headed for a downhill journey in coping with erectile dysfunctioning. 

Mistake #2 "I don't deserve to be in a relationship." Once you've come to the decision you no longer have anything of value to offer in a relationship or believe a woman could never love with anyone who can't perform in the bedroom you'll do one of two things. If your single you'll decide to stop dating. If you're married you'll withdraw from your partner. You'll avoid physical contact of any kind. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, all physical forms of affection are avoided like the plague. You'll certainly avoid sex. You'll withdraw and use anger to keep your partner far away from you emotionally, physically and sexually. On some level the goal here may be to act in such a mean way you'll drive your partner away because you believe you don't deserve their love, or that they'd be better off without you.

Mistake #3 "I won't seek help" Let's face reality, it's embarrassing to talk about erectile dysfunction to anyone. If you allow embarrassment or shame to control your behavior and decision making process you won't seek help. You'll live and suffer with erectile dysfunction in silence. You'll also expect your partner to do the same or be content if they leave you. You'll believe it's better to be abandoned than face this issue head on.

Mistake #4 "I can't or I won't enjoy sex ever again." Here's where I'll make a confession of my ignorance. At age 56 I had no idea it was possible to have an orgasm without an erection. In other words, it is possible to enjoy sex without an erection. Is it different? Yes it is. Will you also feel some unwelcome emotions that are difficult to deal with before, during or after an orgasm without an erection? Probably, until you finish grieving the loss of your erectile abilities.

Mistake #5 "I'm a failure in the bedroom" Many men give up on the idea of having a mutually satisfying sexual experience once they lose their erectile abilities. For the record, there are a variety of ways to satisfy a woman without an erection. It's very possible to have mutually enjoyable and mutually exciting sex that doesn't involve an erection. 

Mistake #6 "My partner is to blame." Once you blame your partner for your ED, you may decide to seek a thrill outside of your marriage by having an affair or using pornograhpy. If your experience with erectile dysfunction is a result of psychological or relational problems, these options may produce an erection causing you to believe the solution involves getting rid of your partner.

Mistake #7 "I need drugs or alcohol to cope with ED." The majority of men who experience erectile dysfunction will also experience depression. One common way men seek to cope with depression is to self medicate with drugs or alcohol. 

Mistake #8 "I'd be better off dead." Sadly some men become so depressed and feel so helpless, miserable and worthless, they take their own lives or act in ways that are so self destructive, they are hoping their self destructive behavior will kill them. 

If I've learned anything over the years that I've coped with erectile dysfunction it's this: It is a mistake to think you can cope with this disease by yourself. ED a physically, relationally & psychologically devastating disease. Most men and couples need help and support to successfully cope with the loss of erectile functioning, especially when it's caused by the treatment of another disease, such as prostate cancer.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Life Is Different As a Cancer Survivor-Thankfully!

Everyone sets goals for their life. I wanted to be a husband, a college graduate, a father, and business owner, Those are goals I planned for and I met. Then life happens and with life comes struggles and unexpected challenges.

I never expected, planned or anticipated that I'd live many years of my life with the identity of a "cancer survivor."  I've known so many people who died within 18 months after receiving a diagnosis of cancer that I've always thought a diagnosis of cancer is a death sentence.  I'm certain that belief contributed to my sense of terror when I first received my biopsy results. The idea of surviving prostate cancer for years or decades was something I didn't  think  was possible.

It's hard for me to believe I've lived with the identity of cancer survivor for 6 years. There are times when I find myself grateful for the gift of that identity.

Last week my oldest son called. He asked if my wife and I would fly to Vermont and help them drive their two cars to their new home in Illinois. They also asked us to stay there and help them unpack. I didn't need to think more than a second before agreeing to do this. The idea of taking a road trip with Ryan brings back fond memories of our cross country RV trips together. We are on the road again!

It occurred to me that the pre-cancer me would have said no to my son's request. The idea of leaving my business for 16 days without weeks of preparation and planning would be unthinkable. I would have shifted the blame for my refusal right back on my son by saying: "Why didn't you ask me a month ago about this?"

The cancer survivor me said: "Great let's do it!"

It wasn't easy or natural for me to discover the gifts that cancer brings. It's much easier to recall the struggles, the conflicts, the fear, terror, emotional devastation, the relational challenges, recovering from surgery, losing urinary control and erectile functioning. It's easy to think about the down side of my experiences as a cancer survivor.

As I get further along in the journey it's become much easier to identify the blessings. My priorities have shifted. I don't live to work, I work to live. There's a huge difference between those two options.
Working is a means to give me the freedom to do things I could't do when I retire.

For example,  my wife and I are looking buy a trailer so we can go camping together. We hope to keep it long enough to create memories with our young granddaughter.

For 35 years I cranked out my companies payroll on the first ans fifteenth of every month,  If we were camping I did payroll on the road and had FedEx pick the checks up at the campground. My prostate surgery was scheduled around payroll dates.

The cancer survivor me loosened the reigns of control. My Manager does a remarkable job with payroll. Yesterday I drove through New York,  Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana. We stopped in Kalamazoo Michigan.  I don't worry about setting up an office to do payroll on the road.  I'm invited with helping my son and his wife with their move to their new home in Illinois. We will be there when they walk through the door of their first home.  My wife and I will be there to share this event because the cancer survivor me changed  priorities.

I'm grateful to be a cancer survivor. If I could push a button that would take away my cancer survivor identity by restoring me to my pre cancer days, I'd refuse to push that button. I'm more than a cancer survivor, I've grown to be a cancer thriver. This did not come easily or naturally. It's been a six year journey with years of emotional, relational, sexual and spiritual struggles.

As we get closer to our destination which is Carbondale Illinois I realized this road trip represents my journey with prostate cancer. We've flown from California to Vermont. On the way we experienced delays and unplanned  plane changes.  Our flight across the country did not go as scheduled.  We arrived in Vermont hours later than expected, but we finally arrived.

As we've crossed  through six states we've driven through blinding rain as well as beautiful sunshine. I'm learning to embrace the entire journey with all of its delays, unexpected stops, and unpredictable weather. I've discovered life is a jouney that takes us to places we'd rather not go.  How we react to life taking us to the places we'd rather not go has am amazing impact on who we become.







Saturday, June 13, 2015

Coping With Post Surgical Pain

                         
This is a chapter from  my soon to be released book on penile implants.


I've learned how easy it is to lie to ourselves and then to our partner. If I were not in the process of writing an account of my journey with implant surgery I doubt I would have uncovered the truth about the reasons why something awful happened during my post surgical recovery.

The fateful day began with two wonderful events. I was toward the end of my third week post surgery. One morning I woke up to discover my second round of antibiotics was successful wiping out my infection. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  This meant I wouldn’t need two additional surgeries. The first to remove the implant and a second to put in another implant a few weeks later. This turn of events led me to be in a celebratory mood.  The next amazing event combined with the first, made this day fantastic. When I examined my scrotum I discovered in a single night the swelling was completely gone. My scrotum was back to normal size. Best of all, I was completely pain free.  I was joyful.  Since I was pain free, I abruptly stopped taking my pain medication.

I was so delighted with this turn of events the very first thing I did was to call my Surgeon’s office to see whether I could get an appointment for my six week post surgery implant activation appointment. When I received an activation appointment date, I thought this day was one of the best days of my life.  From that point on Brenda and I expected the rest of my post surgery recovery would be uneventful.  We were both looking forward to the day I could use my implant.

Our celebration was short lived. Within a few hours, I felt as though I were coming down with the flu. I experienced a severe case of the chills so I put on a winter coat while everyone else in the house was wearing spring clothing. It didn't take long for chills to stop, then I begin to sweat. At that point I needed to remove my winter coat and wear light clothing.  During the next few hours I’d alternate between feeling very cold and very hot.

At bedtime I was too agitated to stay in bed. I began pacing around the house. I tried to sit in one place, but I couldn’t.  As I paced around the house through the night, somewhere between 4-5am it occurred to me I wasn’t dealing with a sudden case of the flu. Something else was going on. I went on line and googled “symptoms of oxycodone withdrawal”  As I looked at the list of symptoms I found I experiencing enough of the withdrawal symptoms that I ruled out the possibility I had the flu and began to wonder whether I was going through oxycodone withdrawal. As I stared down the list of twenty symptoms, I had seven. They were:
 *anxiety
*diarrhea
*difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
*irritability
*restlessness
 *sweating
 *chills

I found it difficult to believe I was going through withdrawal symptoms. I kept saying to myself, this can't be happening. When morning came, I’d been awake most of the night. Day two was no different from day one.  On night two in the middle of the night as I paced around the house, I realized I’d reached to end of my capacity to cope with withdrawal from oxycodone by myself. I wasn't sure what to do, but I one thing was certain, I vowed I would not spend a third night going through oxycodone withdrawal. I decided I’d take as much oxycodone as necessary to end my symptoms of withdrawal. I’d made the decision if it were necessary on night three to go back on oxycodone, I was going to call a rehab center the next morning and ask to be admitted for oxycodone withdrawal.  If you have asked me that night if it was worth the pain and suffering to have penile implant surgery, I would have answered you back by saying: “Absolutely not, avoid this surgery like the plague.” 

I can’t put in to words the relief I felt when I went to bed on night three and fell asleep. I’d completed the process of oxycodone withdrawal cold turkey. This crisis was over. There is a difference between addiction, which involves a compulsion to use a drug vs being dependent on a drug. Thankfully, I was not addicted. As soon as the pain went away it was an easy decision to stop using oxycodone. I had no desire to use any pain medication once the pain was gone. What neither of us understood at the time is how or why this happened to me. It would take me four months to uncover the truth.

I asked a physician who was a friend of my mine how was it possible to become dependent on oxycodone in such a short time. He told me that most people following surgery experience gradual pain relief and taper off their medication slowly and gradually. In my situation the pain stopped abruptly, so I didn’t taper off pain medication gradually, which caused me to go through withdrawal. His answer explained what occurred in a way we both understood. We both believed the mistake I made was to suddenly stop taking oxycodone. The truth remained buried for a few months longer until I began to write this chapter for the book.

I reached the point in this chapter where I wanted to put together a list of the medications I would have taken to a drug detox center had it been necessary for me to go there. When I went to the medicine cabinet to pull out everything I’d been taking for pain, I was in for a rude awakening. The first bottle I found was my oxycodone. I remember when I decided that taking this every four hours was doing nothing for my pain, so I moved it up to every three hours. This meant I was taking oxycodone six to seven times a day.

As I was doing some research about the maximum daily recommended dose for oxycodone I discovered that a total daily doses greater than 80 mg, may cause fatal respiratory depression when administered to patients who are not tolerant to the respiratory depressant effects of opioids. I was at higher risk for this since I have moderately severe sleep apnea. Oxycodone can become habit-forming, even at regular doses. The higher the dose the higher the likelihood you’ll end up addicted or drug dependent.  An acetaminophen overdose can damage your liver or cause death.

I can’t be certain, but I do believe knowing these dangers might have prevented me from moving my dose from every four to every three hours. If that’s all I did, I put myself in life threatening danger, but that wasn’t all I did.  Since oxycodone did not relieve my pain, I went into my supply of medications at home to see what else I could take to get bring down the pain to tolerable levels. I found some powerful medications to mix with oxycodone.

The second medication I took was liquid hydrocodone.  The maximum daily dose for this drug was six tablespoonfuls daily. I have no way of knowing exactly how much of this drug I was using because I didn’t use a tablespoon to measure my dose, I’d take what a call a swig. I lifted the bottle to my mouth and drank what I thought might be two tablespoons. I did this at least three times a day.

That wasn’t all. I found a bottle of tramadol.  I found this warning about tramadol on-line: You should not take tramadol if you have used narcotic medications within the past few hours and this, MISUSE OF NARCOTIC PAIN MEDICATION CAN CAUSE ADDICTION, OVERDOSE, OR DEATH,
Tramadol is another drug that can slow or stop your breathing.

Since bedtime was the most painful part of my day here’s what I did on most nights. I’d take an oxycodone and, wash it down with a swig of liquid hydrocodone.  If I were in severe a third pain reliever called tramadol. After the tramadol, I took restoril every night to help me get to sleep. It’s reasonable to wonder how on earth I managed to accumulate so many different pain medications. I hoard my medications. Usually I try to stop taking them as quickly as possible so I can save them for another episode or bout with chronic pain. This was the first time in my life that I’d ever combined pain medication in this way. If I want to live to a ripe old age, this also was the last time I’ll make this mistake.

Frankly, as I looked up each of the medications I was taking daily, I’m amazed that I survived the combination of powerful pain relieving prescription drugs I was using daily. If it were necessary for me to go to a Drug Detox Center, I have no doubt they would have classified me as a serious abuser of pain medications who developed a life threatening habit.

What I learned about myself isn’t pretty.  I suspect this applies to tens of thousands of people who experience unrelenting and/or chronic pain.  In order to experience pain relief I was willing to lie to myself and to my wife. I was willing to risk the possibility of addiction, drug dependence, an overdose, or death. I was single minded.  I needed pain relief and I was willing to do anything to bring my pain down to manageable levels. I never expected of one of the take always from my experience with implant surgery was an up close and personal understanding of how people end up addicted, accidentally overdosed or die as a result of mixing a variety of prescription drugs.

Once I gained these insights, I knew I needed to tell my wife the truth.  I’d been combining a variety of prescription drugs without telling her what I was doing. Since the danger past and I’d survived, I seriously underestimated the devastation Brenda experienced when I told her exactly what I did. I assumed that Brenda would be as grateful as I was that I’d survived. Brenda wasn’t grateful, she was rightfully ticked off. I’d lied to her.  I’d taken dangerous and potentially fatal amounts of prescription drugs. I’d become drug dependent. We went through three days of withdrawal together without Brenda knowing that I combined and abused multiple pain medications.  By far, the worst consequence of confessing to Brenda how I abused multiple pain medication was the loss of her trust in my judgement. Brenda’s greatest fear is that I’ll repeat this behavior of lying and combining pain medications the next time I face chronic pain. It’s important to me and it’s important to Brenda I don’t make this mistake a second time.

For the record, if you were to ask me today, four months post surgery whether I recommend implant surgery, without any hesitation I'd say a resounding Yes it is, but  read my soon to be released book to avoid a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Comments and feedback are appreciated.

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
 can  be previewed and purchased at 
Amazon.com


Sunday, May 10, 2015

Erectile Dysfunction-What Is It Good For? Absolutely Nothing!

If you are like me, coping with ED, you've probably spent some time in agreement there's very little value in coping with erectile dysfunction. I believe there are lies men belive which are powerful and destructive. They are:
1 My confidence  in the bedroom comes from my erectile abilities.
2. Without erections I'm no longer a man.
3. Believing  the voices coming from toxic shame.

Toxic shame is the least understood companion of men and couples coping with ED. It's also the most destructive. Toxic shame devastates a man's self esteem. It speaks powerfully condemning words which drives men into hiding from themselves. Toxic shame drives away the possibility of hope and replaces hope with the painful state of hoplesness and despair. 

Believing they are worthless men become depressed. When women are depressed experience sadness. Men who are depressed frequently become highly irritable.

 Angry words and/or isolating behaviors replace  all forms of affection and love which leaves your partner feeling rejected, unattractive and unloved.

Under the influence of toxic shame there are no redemptive opportunities. To make matters worse two things happen. First, men are driven to find relief from toxic same with mood alternating behaviors. Alcohol, drugs,  TV,, computers,  pornography or other  escapes are sought out to reduce the pain of the shame.  Even though these escapes provide little or no relief they will be used over and over again.

There's one healthy choice to make. Unfortunately, most men under the influence of toxic shame will refuse this option. To defeat toxic shame you must come out of hiding to seek outside help. Just the thought of seeking help brings up feelings of anger and defensivenesss. There's no way on earth you are going to tell anyone about your suffering with ED. If you find yourself alone and isolated you've given toxic shame a complete victory.

I invite you to come out of hiding. To achieve victory you need to reconnect with yourself and your partner. You need to face, confront and challenge your toxic shame. To do this successfully you nay need assistance from men further along in the journey with ED. There are many active forums on the internet where you can give yourself a screen name and speak to a community of men coping with ED.

 Coming out of hiding, reconnecting with yourself and your partner and joining a community of men are all good first steps.  Three more difficult steps may be necessary. The first is consulting with a physician to determine the cause of your ED. Without knowing the cause finding an effective treatment is impossible.

The second  step involves damage control. This may require professional help.  You may have caused serious damage to your relationship with yourself and/or your partner that will require outside professional help to repair.  I know I needed that help you might need it too.

The third and final step toward healing involves grieving the losses of your old sexuality and discovering a new sexuality. You time coping with ED may be temporary or it may be permermant.
Either way, both you and your partner can find new ways to excite and pleasure one another that isn't dependent upon you having an erection.

Toxic shame would have you believe there's no way to enjoy sex without an erection and you are doomed to live a lonely sexless life.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life under the influence and power of toxic shame? 

You haven't lost your manhood. Use it to defeat the lies that comes from toxic shame. Learn all about a new and exciting sexuality available to you and your partner. Remember this isn't easy to accomplish so get whatever help you need to say goodriddence to toxic shame.

Rick Redner & his wife Brenda are the authors of the award winning book
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?







Coping with ED is difficult for most men because a close companion of ED is shame. Shame is a powerful, destructive and difficult emotion to overcome. Shame speaks with words of condemnation. Shame tells us we are hopelessly defective and worthless.
When we believe the lies that emanate from shame we go into hiding from everyone including ourselves if anyone reminds us or activates our shame we become angry and defensive. 
There's so many destructive was to seek from shame. Most addictive behaviors are fueled by shame. We are willing to go to great lengths for some temporary relief from the unrelenting condemnation from shame. I've heard from wives whose husband's were cured from prostate cancer only to take their own lives rather than live with the shame that accompanies
ED.
The first step to defeat shame involves bravery. You must be willing to come out of hiding and get   

Saturday, April 18, 2015

I Lost My Manhood

There's one phrase I hear over and over from men who've had their prostates removed. That phrase is:
"I've lost my manhood".

One of the most distressing and depressing issues to deal with after prostate surgery is erectile dysfunction. On 4/27/13 I came to the realization the following two formulas were true in my life. I believed:
1. Manhood=an erect penis 
2. A flaccid penis=the loss of manhood

You don't realize how powerful these formulas are in your life until you experience erectile dysfunction. Some men never give them up. They hold on to these formulas as representing the truth about their masculinity. If you are one of the men who cling to these formulas, it's highly likely you'll suffer from a severe post-surgery depression.

 In addition you'll bring misery to your marriage, by withdrawing from your partner and avoiding most if not all forms of affection.  Many single men coping with ED who believe these formulas often sentence themselves to a lifetime without dating or love. They don't believe a women could love a man who can't get it up in the bedroom.

It took me two years before I learned two life changing lessons:
Lesson #1- Both formulas are lies.
Lesson #2- Breaking free from these formulas is emotionally painful, takes time, is extremely difficult, and requires a role model.

Jesus was my role model. He chose to live a life that did not include sexual pleasures. Yet Jesus was and I believe still is the greatest example of a man and greatest example of the embodiment of love.

One of the opportunities post surgical ED provides is the opportunity to find other ways to love your partner. How can you do that? Have your partner take the following test:
Love Language Quiz

Discover your partner's love language and make the commitment learn the various ways to express your love to your partner in their primary love language. You will be amazed and the joy, level of contentment and intimacy you can achieve as you wait for your sexual functioning to return.

Don't misunderstand this post, You have BOTH, the capability of pleasing a woman AND you have the capability of being pleased by a woman.  It takes some getting use to, but you can learn to enjoy orgarms with a flaccid penis.

 My advice is to do this with the frequency both  you and your partner desire. If your single, and you know how to be kind, compassionate, affectionate, thoughtful and loving you will find a woman who will think you are a beloved treasure. You and your beloved will create an exciting sex life together.

I'm not making this up, It's something my wife and I were able to do together. You can do it too.

My wife and I wrote and award winning book to help couples reclaim their love life after prostate surgery. You can check it out here:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?