Sunday, May 10, 2015

Erectile Dysfunction-What Is It Good For? Absolutely Nothing!

If you are like me, coping with ED, you've probably spent some time in agreement there's very little value in coping with erectile dysfunction. I believe there are lies men belive which are powerful and destructive. They are:
1 My confidence  in the bedroom comes from my erectile abilities.
2. Without erections I'm no longer a man.
3. Believing  the voices coming from toxic shame.

Toxic shame is the least understood companion of men and couples coping with ED. It's also the most destructive. Toxic shame devastates a man's self esteem. It speaks powerfully condemning words which drives men into hiding from themselves. Toxic shame drives away the possibility of hope and replaces hope with the painful state of hoplesness and despair. 

Believing they are worthless men become depressed. When women are depressed experience sadness. Men who are depressed frequently become highly irritable.

 Angry words and/or isolating behaviors replace  all forms of affection and love which leaves your partner feeling rejected, unattractive and unloved.

Under the influence of toxic shame there are no redemptive opportunities. To make matters worse two things happen. First, men are driven to find relief from toxic same with mood alternating behaviors. Alcohol, drugs,  TV,, computers,  pornography or other  escapes are sought out to reduce the pain of the shame.  Even though these escapes provide little or no relief they will be used over and over again.

There's one healthy choice to make. Unfortunately, most men under the influence of toxic shame will refuse this option. To defeat toxic shame you must come out of hiding to seek outside help. Just the thought of seeking help brings up feelings of anger and defensivenesss. There's no way on earth you are going to tell anyone about your suffering with ED. If you find yourself alone and isolated you've given toxic shame a complete victory.

I invite you to come out of hiding. To achieve victory you need to reconnect with yourself and your partner. You need to face, confront and challenge your toxic shame. To do this successfully you nay need assistance from men further along in the journey with ED. There are many active forums on the internet where you can give yourself a screen name and speak to a community of men coping with ED.

 Coming out of hiding, reconnecting with yourself and your partner and joining a community of men are all good first steps.  Three more difficult steps may be necessary. The first is consulting with a physician to determine the cause of your ED. Without knowing the cause finding an effective treatment is impossible.

The second  step involves damage control. This may require professional help.  You may have caused serious damage to your relationship with yourself and/or your partner that will require outside professional help to repair.  I know I needed that help you might need it too.

The third and final step toward healing involves grieving the losses of your old sexuality and discovering a new sexuality. You time coping with ED may be temporary or it may be permermant.
Either way, both you and your partner can find new ways to excite and pleasure one another that isn't dependent upon you having an erection.

Toxic shame would have you believe there's no way to enjoy sex without an erection and you are doomed to live a lonely sexless life.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life under the influence and power of toxic shame? 

You haven't lost your manhood. Use it to defeat the lies that comes from toxic shame. Learn all about a new and exciting sexuality available to you and your partner. Remember this isn't easy to accomplish so get whatever help you need to say goodriddence to toxic shame.

Rick Redner & his wife Brenda are the authors of the award winning book
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?

Coping with ED is difficult for most men because a close companion of ED is shame. Shame is a powerful, destructive and difficult emotion to overcome. Shame speaks with words of condemnation. Shame tells us we are hopelessly defective and worthless.
When we believe the lies that emanate from shame we go into hiding from everyone including ourselves if anyone reminds us or activates our shame we become angry and defensive. 
There's so many destructive was to seek from shame. Most addictive behaviors are fueled by shame. We are willing to go to great lengths for some temporary relief from the unrelenting condemnation from shame. I've heard from wives whose husband's were cured from prostate cancer only to take their own lives rather than live with the shame that accompanies
The first step to defeat shame involves bravery. You must be willing to come out of hiding and get