I was immediately taken back in time to the first time I'd wet my pants in public. I was in the mall on the second floor when I began to feel what I thought were ceiling leaks dripping on my shoes. To my shock and embarrassment I discovered my pants were urine soaked and I was dripping urine onto my shoes.
I literally ran out the out of the mall convinced that everyone who saw me noticed my wet pants and knew that I'd leaked urine all over myself. I drove home changed my clothing and told my wife that was the end of my leaving the house while I was living in diapers. I wouldn't see any visitors and I refused to go anywhere. I imprisoned myself at home feeling embarrassed and ashamed I'd lost the ability to control my urination. To say I was depressed would be an understatement. I wished had a time machine. I'd like the opportunity go back in time to the mall and I tell myself the following:
"Rick it's no big deal you leaked through your diaper. Wearing diapers and having an accident doesn't turn back the clock and transform you into a little child. The fact is you are a cancer warrior & survivor. Yes it's miserable losing bladder control and yes you'll hate living in diapers and having accidents in public, but this isn't a catastrophe, it's a learning experience. Very soon you'll learn how often you need to change your diapers. Once you've learned this lesson, your days of leaking through to your pants will come to an end. So hang tight, be brave, and don't lose your sense of humor." Stop with the self condemnation and shame.
Walk (rather than run) out of the mall with your head held high. While your pants are wet with urine, the fact is few, if anyone will even notice. If someone does notice your wet pants, they are much more likely to think you spilled a soft drink on yourself as opposed to thinking you leaked through your diaper. So stop with the self condemnation, embarrassment and shame. As a result of this accident, it won't be long before you'll learn to manage living in diapers. Your days of leaking through your pants will end very soon. Not only that, you'll be out of diapers within three months.
While I can't go back in time to change the past, I can bring the lessons I've learned into the present, When I looked down and saw big wet spot on my pants, my reaction to this urinary accident surprised me. I found myself laughing out loud. I was astounded! I'd just wet my pants and there I was laughing. Rather than use my imagination to get embarrassed or shame myself, I imagined playing with my granddaughter on the floor with the both of us in diapers. (I was glad not to be in diapers) wetting our pants together.was enough of commonality for me.
After a good laugh, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude. I was cancer free and l lived long enough to become a first time grandparent. Five months from now, I'll be a grandfather for the second time. If I had to live in diapers while playing with my two grandchildren it would be fine with me.
Within a day of leaking through my pants I had another unpleasant blast from the past. During sex, I urinated while experiencing an orgasm. This is called climacturia. Many men suffer this disturbing issue but few who have prostate surgery are warned this may occur.
"Although the urine leakage resolved for some men over time, 36 percent of them still had the problem -- called climacturia -- two years after surgery. And 12 percent of the men called it a "major bother."
I was one of those men who considered this symptom a MAJOR bother. The last time this happened I was so embarrassed and ashamed I was ready to give up on sexual activity. When this happened again, my attitude surprised me. Here's what went through my mind:
Thought #1 "Oh no"
Thought#2 "Oh well"
Thought #3 "I wondered whether I just put a urine stain on our new and expensive sleep number bed. So I asked my wife: 'Did we purchased mattress protectors?" She said we did. A wave of relief swept over me.
Thought #4 It's time to wash our sheets and mattress protector.
Thought #5 If this happens again, I'm glad to know I won't ruin our mattress.
Gone was the humiliation and shame. The thought of ending our sexual relationship never occurred to me. If this unpleasant symptom was going to be with us for a while, I knew both of us would be ok.
As Paul Harvey use to say, "Here's the rest of the story" A few days prior to all of this happening I was given a new prescription to treat my blood pressure. The medication is caused Norvasc. My wife who happens to be a nurse did a little bit of research and discovered urinary leakage is a potential side effect. If I can't overcome these issues by performing kegels, I'll ask my Doctor for a new blood pressure medication.
I'm relieved the return of these symptoms are not permanent, but I have a greater sense of relief, if these symptoms did return permanently my reaction to them would be totally different.
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. The tile of the book is:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?
Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
You can read a few pages at no cost in order to decide whether this is a book you'd want in your library: