Faithful Suffering

Last night I was talking to my son Andy about change. I casually said:

"As I think about change, I think changes are usually for the worse."

At the time, I was thinking about restaurants that no longer exit, or businesses like Toys R Us, Orchards, Gottschalks, and Sears. Too many good places gone.

Then I broke "change" into two categories:

1. Wanted change-Some different happens or alters the course of our lives that in a way that pleases us. Kate and Ryan’s wedding comes to mind.

2. Unwanted change-Something different happens that we don’t like. Losing your health comes to mind.

As I thought about wanted, and unwanted change, I realized that change occurs from:

1. From the inside out-For example my vocal cords are scared. My voice will never sound the same.

2. From the outside in-Here an event occurs that changes your identity or role in your life in a permanent way. Becoming a grandparent comes to mind.

Put it all together and you get

Wanted and unwanted change. Then changes that from the inside out and outside in.

Then a Bible verse came to my mind:

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

My mind immediately jumped to unwanted change that either affects us from the inside out, and outside in, things like abuse, rape, loss of health, the death of a loved one. 

Each and every tragedy you’ve experienced in your life has the potential to work together for good.

What makes this sound like a preposterous promise results from a misunderstanding of the meaning of the words “work together for good.”

The promise that all things work together for good does NOT mean we will eventually like, enjoy, or be pleased that some form of unwanted change or suffering entered into our lives or the lives of someone we know and love.

Tragedies occur that we will NEVER, EVER,  like or want.

Our tragedy and suffering change us. They’ve affect our faith, and our relationship with our creator. Tragedy and suffering also impact our relationship with family and friends.

Some folks give up, or walk away from their faith. Others blame God. After that, they act as judge and jury. 

They find God cruel, uncaring, useless, or non existent. They pass sentence, and banish God from their lives.

Then their are folks like me, who certainly does not understand why God allows for unspeakable and/or and unrelenting pain, suffering, and tragedy.

I understand His promise, so in my groaning, suffering, pain and misery,  I ask God to keep His promise. 

I expect to receive the unexpected. I expect to be changed from the inside out and the outside in.

Another Bible verse comes to mind:

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

I wish there was another way than suffering to produce these traits.  

In the mists of both past and present suffering I've asked God in prayer:

Lord, couldn't you accomplish the same things, if I won the lottery?" (Fat chance, I don't buy lottery tickets) 

My point here is simple. Pain, suffering, tragedy, sickness, accidents, disease, and suffering are all part of the package of living in this world.

Some of us have a prospective assurance, and hope of living in another world. A world where all suffering, tragedy, and pain end throughout eternity.

When we fully grasp that reality and see our suffering through the lens of our faith, which by the way isn’t easy or comes naturally, we can agree with Paul who wrote:

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Don’t waste your groaning, pain or suffering, or tragedy.

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda Redner wrote two award winning books. The first:

I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?

provides men and couples with information and support before, during and after prostate surgery.

Their second book was written for couples living with!erectile dysfunction. After living with  erectile dysfunction for four years, Rick chose penile implant surgery. The couple share how implant surgery changed their lives and relationship.

The title of their book is:

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Implants.

Embracing Your Mistakes

This post was not written specifically for coping with prostate cancer and/or the psychological, physical, and relational issues that arise after treating PC.

I’m posting this because I believe my suggestions regarding coping with mistakes will have a positive impact on your life and relationships.

Its an undeniable fact that the older I get, the more mistakes I’ve accumulated.

Given that inevitably, my attitude towards my mistakes has changed in the following ways:

* I look for the humor behind every flub I make. It's a gift (and a wonderful release of tension) to have the capacity to laugh about my mistakes.

* Many of my mistakes provide me with highly useful warnings. For example, yesterday I left the house without checking the O2 level in my oxygen tank. I ran out of air before we arrived at our destination! Guess what new routine I’ve established? I'm going check the 02 level EVERY time we leave the house with a portable tank of oxygen. If the needle is in the red zone, I’m using a new tank!

* My habitual mistakes teach me of the necessity for me to change my behavior. For example, I got tired of misplacing my keys and my wallet. EVERY day I wasted precious time

searching the house. Now as soon as I get home, my wallet and keys are put in a specific place. The annoying daily search, is no longer part of my day.

* The most irreversible mistake I make occurs when I decide to store something in what I refer to as "a safe place." Whenever I decide to use “a safe place” it inevitably means I'll never, ever, see that item again. It’s somewhat embarrassing to tell my wife where I hide her gifts, but unless I want to buy that gift a second time, Brenda needs to know.

* Some of my mistakes involve my lacking information or making wrong assumptions. When I gave up the need for perfection, and embraced my deeply flawed humanity it’s easier to admit my mistake rather than invent an excuse for my behavior.

* Some of my mistakes occur because I'm selfish. I want what I want, so I neglect thinking about the consequences, or how my behavior will effect the people I know and love.

Looking back on my life, I suspect I've learned as much or more from my mistakes, than I have from my successes. 

So every time I blow it, which increases as I age, I look for the opportunity to discover the lesson and/or wisdom my mistake is offering to teach me.

What about you? Do you condemn yourself (or blame others) for your mistakes? 

Do you ignore the lessons your mistakes offer to teach you, which leads to repeating the same mistake(s) over and over again?

I hope you’ll decide your mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn, grow, and change.

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda Redner wrote two award winning books. The first:
I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?
provides men and couples with information and support before, during and after prostate surgery.


Their second book was written for couples living with!erectile dysfunction. After living with  erectile dysfunction for four years, Rick chose penile implant surgery. The couple share how implant surgery changed their lives and relationship.
The title of their book is:
Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Implants.

A Dance to Forget

There are so many types of dances. There’s the Jitterbug, the Fox Trot, the Charleston, the Rumba, and line dancing, to name few.

Over the years, I’ve created my own dance. Most dancing begins with music. 

My dance begins with favorable circumstances after a partial recovery from an illness, injury, disease, or surgery.

For example, on a particular day after a surgery, there came a time when I was feeling well enough to take a day trip. So that’s exactly what we did.

Upon our arrival home, I suggested we run some errands. We did that as well.

Back from our errands, I wanted to do some chores.

My wife recognized my dance. She said: “You’re not doing anything else right now, except to sit on the couch and rest.”

Thus I was prevented from the dance I’ve created for myself. This dance involves one step forward, then three steps backwards.

I perform this dance each and every time I begin to recover from anything, be that an illness, surgery, injury, or disease.

I call this dance “The Old Four Step.” 

As I get older I’ve noticed my steps backwards are longer in length, and frequently involve pain.

This makes me wonder why “The Old Four Step" is my go to dance?

It's as though I haven't learned the intensity of misery from "The Old Four Step" makes it a dance I should avoid like the plague.

One of the worst examples I’ve ever heard was a man who following prostate surgery was told not to lift anything over 5lbs.

Feeling great after his prostate surgery, he decided to shovel snow off his driveway. 

The weight of the snow caused the newly rewired plumbing to disconnect permanently. Now he must endure a catheter for the rest of his life! A tragic consequence of doing the “The Old Four Step.”

There are some dances to remember, and some to forget. “The Old Four Step” is a dance to forget.

What about you? Do you have a “recovery dance” that takes you further away from your recovery?

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda Redner wrote two award winning books. The first:

I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?

provides men and couples with information and support before, during and after prostate surgery.

Their second book was written for couples living with erectile dysfunction. After living with erectile dysfunction for four years, Rick chose penile implant surgery. The couple share how implant surgery changed their lives and relationship.

The title of their second book is:

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Implants.