A milestone is an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development. I'm sure I wasn't the only one diagnosed with prostate cancer who wondered whether the diagnosis of cancer would cause me to miss some important milestones like becoming a grandfather, walking my daughter down the isle, or retirement.
Happily, I lived long enough to become a grandfather. This week, one of my son's is moving from our home in CA to WV for a job he's wanted for years. Because cancer has changed my perspective on what's important in life, I made arrangements to take off from work for a month. (More accurately, I'm working from the road.) My wife & I are driving with him on a 2,700 mile road trip across the country to help him move into his new apt.
On the way to WV we are stopping in Illinois to visit our oldest son & his wife. After we spend some time helping our son move in, my wife & I are flying to Florida to enjoy a two week romantic vacation.
I wish I could say with certainty these are things I would have done before I was diagnosed with cancer, but I can't. As a cancer survivor, every milestone I live long enough to see has a new importance and meaning to me. So as I share in this journey across the country my heart breaks to be so far away from my son. I also experience a heart filed with gratitude that I lived long enough to celebrate a family milestone. What important life lesson you've learned from cancer?
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Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?
Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
can be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com
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Monday, September 28, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
The Day The Laughter Died Coping With Prostate Cancer
When I received the news I had prostate cancer, laughter was the furthest thing from my mind. As a Medical Social Worker, I witnessed many people die from cancer. This was before the Hospice Movement and the emphasis on pain control. In those days, powerful pain relieving drugs were withheld from terminally ill patients. The reasoning behind this decision was to prevent a terminally ill patient from becoming addicted to pain killing drugs. There was no way I was going to "laugh my way through cancer."
Three words with vivid images came to my mind after hearing I had prostate cancer. The three words were:
1. Pain
2. Suffering
3. Death
All three of these words brought multiple images of the people I'd known who died from cancer. Each and every one of those images brought waves of terror into my life.The prospect of surviving prostate cancer wasn't something I entertained as a possibility.
I believed I'd been handed a death sentence. As a Christian, a familiar Bible verse offered me some immediate comfort.
2 Cor 5:7-8
For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
I knew in the instant of the death of my body, I'd be with the Lord. My problem was that I wasn't ready to be with the Lord. I wanted to live long enough to walk my daughter down the isle. I wanted to live long enough to become a grandfather. I wanted to live long enough to retire and spend time with my wife traveling together.
After I received the diagnosis of cancer I was convinced I'd lost all of those opportunities. The only question for me was how many pain free months did I have left before I'd beg to die from cancer. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. I'd never experienced such fear in my lifetime.
Oddly enough, on the day I was diagnosed I knew I had to break the grip of fear that had over taken me. The only way I could think of to do this was to find a way to laugh at cancer. I went on line in search for prostate cancer jokes. These were my two favorite jokes that brought on hearty laughter:
Doctor: I've got your test results and some bad news. You have cancer and Alzheimer's.
Man: Boy, am I lucky! I was afraid I had cancer!
Doctor: (After performing a digital rectal exam tells his patient) I’ve got bad news for you. I felt a suspicious lump and I am ordering a biopsy.
Patient: Because I’d like a second opinion.
I wish I could say that I effectively used humor throughout my entire journey coping with cancer. I can't. The song American Pie speaks of "the day the music died" I vividly remember the day when laughter died. I'd been coping with the loss of urinary control and erectile functioning for a few weeks and I'd had enough. I'd been leaking through my diapers on a regular basis. The embarrassment and shame was so great I refused to leave the house or have any visitors. I wanted to be left alone in my misery. I hated my life. I hated cancer. I regretted my decision to have my prostate removed. I came to the conclusion my life was ruined forever. There I was, cured of cancer. I'd received a reprieve from a death sentence, yet I was sorry to be alive. That was the day my laughter died. Nothing was funny or humorous. I had no desire to laugh or even crack a smile. I hated my life. I regretted my decision to treat prostate cancer.
It was a comic strip that brought laughter back into my life. My wife described it to me. It was a picture of Charley Brown coming to the decision to hate one day at a time. As I heard my wife say that I burst out laughing. That line of reasoning may not sound funny to everyone, but for me it was a stroke of genius, an amazingly healthy perspective.
At the time, I was projecting my hatred of my life years and decades into the future. Just the idea of learning to hate one day at time was a very humorous challenge to me. It brought both laughter and gratitude back into my life.
I don't know what it will take for you to bring humor into your life as you cope with cancer, but I can heartily recommend a minimum of one good laugh a day. There is someone who has a lot more wisdom, power and authority than me, who agrees on the benefits of laughter:
Prov 17:22
A merry heart does good, like medicine,
Amazon.com
Three words with vivid images came to my mind after hearing I had prostate cancer. The three words were:
1. Pain
2. Suffering
3. Death
All three of these words brought multiple images of the people I'd known who died from cancer. Each and every one of those images brought waves of terror into my life.The prospect of surviving prostate cancer wasn't something I entertained as a possibility.
I believed I'd been handed a death sentence. As a Christian, a familiar Bible verse offered me some immediate comfort.
2 Cor 5:7-8
For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
I knew in the instant of the death of my body, I'd be with the Lord. My problem was that I wasn't ready to be with the Lord. I wanted to live long enough to walk my daughter down the isle. I wanted to live long enough to become a grandfather. I wanted to live long enough to retire and spend time with my wife traveling together.
After I received the diagnosis of cancer I was convinced I'd lost all of those opportunities. The only question for me was how many pain free months did I have left before I'd beg to die from cancer. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. I'd never experienced such fear in my lifetime.
Oddly enough, on the day I was diagnosed I knew I had to break the grip of fear that had over taken me. The only way I could think of to do this was to find a way to laugh at cancer. I went on line in search for prostate cancer jokes. These were my two favorite jokes that brought on hearty laughter:
Doctor: I've got your test results and some bad news. You have cancer and Alzheimer's.
Man: Boy, am I lucky! I was afraid I had cancer!
Doctor: (After performing a digital rectal exam tells his patient) I’ve got bad news for you. I felt a suspicious lump and I am ordering a biopsy.
Patient: I’d like you to repeat the exam using a different finger.
Doctor: Why should I do that?Patient: Because I’d like a second opinion.
I wish I could say that I effectively used humor throughout my entire journey coping with cancer. I can't. The song American Pie speaks of "the day the music died" I vividly remember the day when laughter died. I'd been coping with the loss of urinary control and erectile functioning for a few weeks and I'd had enough. I'd been leaking through my diapers on a regular basis. The embarrassment and shame was so great I refused to leave the house or have any visitors. I wanted to be left alone in my misery. I hated my life. I hated cancer. I regretted my decision to have my prostate removed. I came to the conclusion my life was ruined forever. There I was, cured of cancer. I'd received a reprieve from a death sentence, yet I was sorry to be alive. That was the day my laughter died. Nothing was funny or humorous. I had no desire to laugh or even crack a smile. I hated my life. I regretted my decision to treat prostate cancer.
It was a comic strip that brought laughter back into my life. My wife described it to me. It was a picture of Charley Brown coming to the decision to hate one day at a time. As I heard my wife say that I burst out laughing. That line of reasoning may not sound funny to everyone, but for me it was a stroke of genius, an amazingly healthy perspective.
At the time, I was projecting my hatred of my life years and decades into the future. Just the idea of learning to hate one day at time was a very humorous challenge to me. It brought both laughter and gratitude back into my life.
I don't know what it will take for you to bring humor into your life as you cope with cancer, but I can heartily recommend a minimum of one good laugh a day. There is someone who has a lot more wisdom, power and authority than me, who agrees on the benefits of laughter:
Prov 17:22
A merry heart does good, like medicine,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning faith based book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer can be previewed and purchased atAmazon.com
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Get Yourself Tested For Prostate Cancer
As a prostate cancer survivor it's hard for me to believe these powerful and influential organizations have come out in favor of delayed testing for prostate cancer even though prostate cancer among younger men has increased sixfold in the past 20 years. Despite this fact, all four of these organizations suggest we do less rather than more prostate cancer screening. These organizations believe men are so dumb and/or fearful, they literally can't handle the truth about prostate cancer. They conclude the majority of men diagnosed with prostate cancer will make a regrettable and medically unnecessary treatment decisions, therefore, the best thing we can do is keep men in the dark and ignorant about prostate cancer.
There are new tests available to help men decide whether their cancer is aggressive or whether active surveillance is the best treatment option. In light of this, I believe the following four organizations need to update their prostate cancer screening recommendations and come out in favor of testing for prostate cancer at age 40. Age 30 if prostate cancer runs in the family or if you are a black male.
Here's the list of organizations that are against early prostate cancer screening and detection:
1. The American Urological Association (AUA), the leading organization representing urologists, is recommending more moderate use of prostate cancer screening tests.The AUA recommends that men ages 55 to 69 discuss the benefits and harms of prostate cancer screening with their doctors before deciding whether to be screened. It recommends against screening for men younger than 55 who are at average risk, as well as for men 70 and older.
2. The American College of Physicians (ACP) released a similar guidance statement in April. The ACP says men between the ages of 50 and 69 should discuss the limited benefits and substantial harms of the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test with their doctor before undergoing screening for prostate cancer. The guideline says only men between the ages of 50 and 69 who express a clear preference for screening should have the PSA test.
3. The American Cancer Society recommends that men discuss the possible risks and benefits of prostate cancer screening with their doctor before deciding whether to be screened. The discussion about screening should take place starting at age 50 for men who are at average risk of prostate cancer and expect to live at least 10 more years. It should take place at age 45 for men who are at higher risk, including African-American men and men who have a father or brother diagnosed with prostate cancer, and at age 40 for men at even higher risk.
4. The United States Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) has issued new recommendations against prostate cancer screening. The USPSTF now recommends that regardless of age, men without symptoms should not routinely have the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test to screen for prostate cancer.
I call upon all four of these organizations to change their prostate cancer screening recommendations and I urge men NOT to follow them. Get tested, even if your physician tells you it's unnecessary. It's your life not theirs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer can be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com
There are new tests available to help men decide whether their cancer is aggressive or whether active surveillance is the best treatment option. In light of this, I believe the following four organizations need to update their prostate cancer screening recommendations and come out in favor of testing for prostate cancer at age 40. Age 30 if prostate cancer runs in the family or if you are a black male.
Here's the list of organizations that are against early prostate cancer screening and detection:
1. The American Urological Association (AUA), the leading organization representing urologists, is recommending more moderate use of prostate cancer screening tests.The AUA recommends that men ages 55 to 69 discuss the benefits and harms of prostate cancer screening with their doctors before deciding whether to be screened. It recommends against screening for men younger than 55 who are at average risk, as well as for men 70 and older.
2. The American College of Physicians (ACP) released a similar guidance statement in April. The ACP says men between the ages of 50 and 69 should discuss the limited benefits and substantial harms of the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test with their doctor before undergoing screening for prostate cancer. The guideline says only men between the ages of 50 and 69 who express a clear preference for screening should have the PSA test.
3. The American Cancer Society recommends that men discuss the possible risks and benefits of prostate cancer screening with their doctor before deciding whether to be screened. The discussion about screening should take place starting at age 50 for men who are at average risk of prostate cancer and expect to live at least 10 more years. It should take place at age 45 for men who are at higher risk, including African-American men and men who have a father or brother diagnosed with prostate cancer, and at age 40 for men at even higher risk.
4. The United States Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) has issued new recommendations against prostate cancer screening. The USPSTF now recommends that regardless of age, men without symptoms should not routinely have the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test to screen for prostate cancer.
I call upon all four of these organizations to change their prostate cancer screening recommendations and I urge men NOT to follow them. Get tested, even if your physician tells you it's unnecessary. It's your life not theirs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer can be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com
Monday, September 7, 2015
National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month- Help Spread The Word
I didn't plan to write a letter to the Editor until I saw my local newspaper (The Modesto Bee) was preparing for Breast Cancer Awareness Month when nothing was written about National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. Why is it a man's disease doesn't get the same publicity. I encourage any reading this to write a letter to your local paper. You can use the one I wrote if you like. Here it is:
Help spread the word. This week I noticed our newspaper was beginning to gear up for breast cancer awareness month but has said nothing about September and prostate cancer. So I sent the following letter to the editor. I hope men around the country will do this as well to raise awareness. Here's the letter I sent:
September is National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. Unfortunately, men are receiving confusing messages about whether or not they should be concerned about this disease. In 2012, the U.S. Preventative Task Force recommended against the use of PSA screening for healthy men of all ages, stating that the harms of screening outweigh the benefits. The message to men is this: If you find out you have prostate cancer, the odds are you’ll make a bad treatment decision, so it’s best you live in ignorance about this disease. This advice is given in spite of the fact aggressive and life threatening prostate cancer among younger men is on the rise. Here are some facts about prostate cancer:
1 in 7 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in American men, behind only lung cancer. About 1 man in 38 will die of prostate cancer. A man dies from prostate cancer every nineteen minutes. In the month of September if you are over forty, make the decision to see to see a physician for prostate cancer screening. The life you save may be your own.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?
Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
can be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com
Help spread the word. This week I noticed our newspaper was beginning to gear up for breast cancer awareness month but has said nothing about September and prostate cancer. So I sent the following letter to the editor. I hope men around the country will do this as well to raise awareness. Here's the letter I sent:
September is National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. Unfortunately, men are receiving confusing messages about whether or not they should be concerned about this disease. In 2012, the U.S. Preventative Task Force recommended against the use of PSA screening for healthy men of all ages, stating that the harms of screening outweigh the benefits. The message to men is this: If you find out you have prostate cancer, the odds are you’ll make a bad treatment decision, so it’s best you live in ignorance about this disease. This advice is given in spite of the fact aggressive and life threatening prostate cancer among younger men is on the rise. Here are some facts about prostate cancer:
1 in 7 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in American men, behind only lung cancer. About 1 man in 38 will die of prostate cancer. A man dies from prostate cancer every nineteen minutes. In the month of September if you are over forty, make the decision to see to see a physician for prostate cancer screening. The life you save may be your own.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rick Redner and his wife Brenda are the authors of an awarding winning book written to help men and couples cope with life without a prostate. I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?
Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Spiritual & Sexual Aspects of Prostate Cancer
can be previewed and purchased at
Amazon.com
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