Surgeries-Can’t Can’t Live With Them, Can’t Live Without Them

Ever since I’ve had my prostate removed, I’ve dreaded going to hospitals for any surgeries or out-patient procedure. This reaction did not occur with surgeries before I had my prostatectomy.

Now a disproportionate amount of fear occurs with every surgery and out-patient procedure I’ve had. I know I’m not alone. I’ve heard many men say this exact quote after prostate surgery. The quote is:
“I won’t go within a mile of a Surgeon for the rest of my life.”

Why do men say that? My explanation isn’t based on a scientific study. It’s  based on my own experiences and those that were shared with me.

Most men who wish to avoid another surgery at all costs, are men who experienced one or all of these side effects that probably were not explained prior to surgery.

• Lost Urinary Control-Approximately 6-8 percent of men who have had surgery to remove their prostate will develop urinary incontinence.

•Loss of ejaculation-I had no idea surgery would take away my ability to ejaculate. In one study, it was found that: “only half of the patients realized surgery would take away their ability to ejaculation.

•Climacturia- Ten years after my surgery I still continue to leak urine after an orgasm. A mattresses protector and towels are necessary. “ Climacturia is a common clinical entity, occurring in almost half of all patients after radical prostatectomy. It can be a significant problem with respect to urine volume loss, associated bother and condom use. Patients must be informed about this complication before undergoing radical prostatectomy..”

•Loss of penile size-Most men will have some penis length loss after surgery and sometimes that will be permanent, said Dr. John Mulhall, who is director of the Male Sexual and Reproductive Medicine Program at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York.

I felt betrayed. I believe any man who was not told about these possibilities feels betrayed.  After a betrayal we develop strategies to ensure this will not happen again. Often the fallout from our betrayal is a generalized distrust of ALL surgeons.

After betrayal and need to protect oneself, tragedy often follows.

I’ve known men who chose to live with severe urinary incontinence, preferring to live in diapers the rest of their lives rather than seek a surgical solution to end their loss of urinary control.

Far too many men live with life long impotence rather than consider a penile implant. 

They cannot imagine a Surgeon who’d be honest, and help them when it was a Surgeon who caused the misery they are cutting living with.

I know my answer isn’t for everyone and I know some folks will get offended. So before sharing that piece of my solution let me speak to you as a man who was betrayed. I suffered it all; the loss of urinary control and ejaculation, loss of penile size, erectile dysfunction, and leaking urine during orgasm.

I did NOT  let my fears control my medical decisions. I wanted to reclaim what robotic double nerve sparing surgery took away. I wanted to resume making love to my wife, so I went for a penile implant. The surgery changed my self-esteem, my relationship with my wife, and gave us the ability to regain the sex life we both wanted to re-experience.

Now comes the part where I share how my faith helped and continues to help me cope with my ongoing fears about surgeries. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. When I bring this picture to mind as I face a surgery or surgical procedure my fears are calmed.

Therefore I’ll let this picture speak for itself:

Rick Redner & his wife Brenda Redner authored two award winning books, both available on Amazon. They are: 

I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?

And

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction & Penile Implants

End the Misery of Erectile Dysfunction

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was fify-eight. Both prior to my double nerve sparing surgery, my surgeon was confident my erectile abilities would return. I entered in to an aggressive penile rehab program. I had varying doses of ED medications. I used the vacuum pump. 

Eventually, I tried penile injections. Four years post surgery, nothing worked. I was told I'd be impotent for the rest of my life.

Here’s what I wrote on the back cover of my book about erectile dysfunction:

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a thief. ED takes away physical and emotional intimacy. ED steals your confidence in the bedroom. ED robs you of your manhood. 

ED walks off with your self-esteem. ED has the potential to destroy lives, and end relationships. Here’s a surprising fact, the sudden onset of ED can save your life. 

Frequently, ED is early warning signal of current or future cardiovascular problems. 

In Everything You Never Wanted to Know about Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Implants: End Your Silence, Sadness, Suffering, and Shame, was written to help men and couples recognize and overcome the roadblocks to seeking help with ED.

My wife and I guide men and couples through the depression, grief and the inevitable relational conflicts when coping with ED. 

We set couples on a path to discover healthy ways to think about, talk about, or cure ED. We speak from our personal experiences living with ED for four years.

We also share how penile implant surgery restored what prostate surgery took away. Here’s the link to our book:

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About ED