Wednesday, July 9, 2014

How to Cope With Life & Love Without a Prostate

I've heard from thousands of men who've had their prostate removed. I've learned where you land post-surgery in relation to urinary control and erectile functioning are not the deciding factors with regard to whether or not you wind up bitter and/or angry about the quality of your life. I've known men who never regain urinary control or erectile functioning who are grateful to be alive. They state they are closer than ever to their partners. As a couple they've explored and discovered alternative ways to have a mutually satisfying sexual life together, that does not depend on erections.

Then there are men who've lost their relationships. They have given up on sex.
Many of these men despise and blame their surgeon for ruining their lives. These men frequently state they would have preferred to die of prostate cancer than live the quality of life they have. Even though they are currently cancer free, they remain angry and bitter.
As a Medical Social Worker I was trained to look at a number of factors such as:
1. The couple's previous history of resolving crisis.
2. The current state of the couple's relationship.
3. The couple's support systems.
4. The couple's sexual history and their level of satisfaction with that prior to the dx of cancer.
5. A couple's willingness and flexibility to try different ways to satisfy each other.
6. How much of the man's erectile abilities determine how he feels about himself as a man.
7. How realistic their expectations are about life  without a prostate.
8. The couple's previous experiences with cancer.
9. The role of faith or the absence of faith in coping with prostate cancer.

These are a few of the issues that impact how well a couple will do post-surgery.
My wife and I believe hearing from couples who've walked this walk and are willing to share the tough and intimate realities of life without a prostate is very important. It's the reason we were willing to overcome our shame and  embarrassment in order to share our journey with you. From receiving the news I had prostate cancer, to the hospital and into our bedroom we share intimate details of our success, failures, and life lessons we learned along the way so other couples will  successfully cope with life and love without a prostate. You can check out our book and read a few chapters FREE by clicking this link:

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