I believe most of us want to experience a Hallmark holiday when celebrating Christmas or Chanukah. Unfortunately, the tragedies of unwanted change and loss often intrude to rob us of our joy. If we decide to judge our grief or ourselves for grieving we add to our suffering and misery.
As a PC survivor I've learned it's important to make room for everything you feel during the holidays, be that sorrow, grief, loss, disappointment, etc. Whatever it is, acknowledge it and make room for it, not as an unwelcome interruption, but rather as part of your life circumstances and personal history.
It's also important to find things to be grateful for. This may require time and effort but it's a fruitful, worthwhile, and healthy activity.
Give up trying to experience a Hallmark holiday and live the one you have, accepting the good and the bad, the joy and the sorrow that comes with living in this world. I'd also recommend adding some humor to the season, find some things that make you laugh.
Last but not least, find a way to bless or bring joy to someone else. Add these things to your holiday celebration and you'll have a genuine, life affirming holiday.