Biopsy Blues

 Once again I’m waiting to get a biopsy. Once again it’s a 1-3 week wait to get the results.

I believe there’s a natural tendency for us to return and re-experience the trauma of the past, when something similar occurs in the present.

So I understand the vulnerability I have to panic, assume the worst, then have the worst come true.

I doubt I’ll never forget the call I received on a Sunday when my Urologist said to me:

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have moderately aggressive prostate cancer.”

On that day I imagined my future with three words:

Excruciating pain 

Suffering 

Death

As an experienced decade long cancer survivor I asked myself the following question:

How can my past experience waiting for a biopsy and receiving the news I have cancer help me to cope.

A far easier question to answer is:

How did waiting for a biopsy and receiving a diagnosis of cancer cause me to panic, then, and now as I wait.

•I panicked waiting for the biopsy.

•I panicked about the painful procedure to get the biopsy-multiple pokes with long needles through the rectum into the prostate. 

•I panicked waiting for the biopsy results 

•I panicked receiving the biopsy results 

Then came the mother of all my panics:

 •I panicked when myUrologist asked me:

How would you like to treat your prostate cancer?”

I thought he was joking! 

How would I know how to treat prostate cancer?

I went to the library and checked out about a dozen books from the library, and purchased a few on Amazon.

With the treatment of prostate cancer, each treatment choice has different quality of life issues to face. After hours upon hours of research, I could not make up my mind. 

So I made an appointment with my Urologist and asked him the following question;

If the situation was reversed and you received the biopsy results I have in front of me, what would you do?

He said:

“I’d have surgery.” 

So I said:

“Refer me for surgery.”

He said:

“Before I do, given your urological history, you may be loose control of your urinary functioning permanently.”

At the time I couldn’t imagine what spending the rest of my life in diapers would mean, so I said:

“Refer me for surgery” 

He sent me to San Francisco (UCSF) which is how I came to lose my prostate in San Francisco.

Fast forward to today. So I’m not in the least bit worried about the biopsy procedure. They will scrape some of the skin off my arm for the biopsy. 

(A tad easier than multiple needles to the rectum)

Prostate cancer is #2 as the leading cancer death in men. (Lung cancer is #1)

Should my biopsy determine this is cancer, there’s a 99.99% rate of cure.

If I do have skin cancer I won’t need to spend hours researching treatment modalities. I will happily agree to the treatment recommendation of my Dermatologist. 

As for quality of life issues the loss of urinary control, living in diapers, or facing a lifetime of erectile dysfunction aren’t quality of life issues I’ll face.

 I suspect the only quality of life issue I’ll face will be the number days or weeks I won’t be able to use my hot tub and swimming pool. 

I can only muster microscopic levels of sympathy for myself facing the TEMPORARY loss of those two activities.

The fact that these two experiences are vastly different, coping is much easier.

If/when I’d face another life threatening, or quality of life debilitating cancer, I don’t know whether my past experiences will help or make it more difficult to handle.

For now, this seems to be a cake walk in comparison to prostate cancer.

The initial panic I felt when my Primary referred me to a Dermatologist to rule out or treat basal carcinoma has passed.

How am I certain of this?

I’m not losing any sleep!

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda Redner wrote an award winning comprehensive guide to the physical, personal, spiritual, and relational issues, every man, and couple, will face before and after prostate surgery. The title of their book is:

I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours? 

https://amzn.to/2TLTiRQ

After four years of coping with erectile dysfunction after double nerve sparing surgery,  Rick & Brenda decided to share their experiences with devastating effects of erectile dysfunction; which led to a loss of self-esteem, and marital conflict.

They shared why they chose to seek professional help to save their marriage. They also provided a detailed account of how and why Rick went the penile implant route, and how that changed everything. This is a life changing book. Don’t take their word for it, read the Amazon reviews.

The title of their second book is:

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction 

http://bit.ly/34DL14W