Changing Relationships

 My relationship with my wrist brace is complicated. When I went to my Doctor complaining of wrist pain, he ordered me this custom fitted wrist brace. At the time, I was grateful and eagerly wore it. Within a month my pain was gone!

I put my wrist brace on a shelf as if it were a trophy. 

When the pain returned six months ago, I had serious doubts as whether the pain would vanish a second time. My doubt turned into the certainty about surgery, when my level of pain remained the same whether I wore the brace or I didn’t.

At that point I became resentful of the brace, and wore it as little as possible; only during bouts of intense pain.

As we were RVing certain tasks became impossible for me to do. Things like connecting or disconnecting the water hose. Fortunately I had a plier, which I used to tighten and loosen hose connections. At that point I became resentful. 

It didn’t matter whether I wore the brace or not, I was unable to tighten or loosen the hose. I actually spoke to my brace, and called it USELESS. If I wasn’t a hoarder, and my wife wasn’t a nurse, I would have tossed it out. I considered it to be a worthless piece of trash.

At home, I discovered playing fetch with my pups, that throwing a ball was way too painful. I tried wearing my wrist brace. Low and behold playing fetch became a pain free event.

Two things occurred to me with that success. One involved hoarding. 

•I decided it makes perfect sense NEVER to throw anything out if there is even a remote chance you’ll use it again.

•I learned that something I considered useless can become highly valued. So much so, I now wear my brace most of the day, and all through the night.

Once I knew I had a date for surgery, my relationship with my brace took a nose dive. I happily started a countdown for my wrist brace departure date. I couldn’t wait to rid myself of my brace. I found myself considering the possibility of a wrist brace goodbye party, where the guest of honor (the brace) would end up in a garbage pail.

Then my surgery was postponed for a week. During that week, Governor Newsom put Stanislaus County on lockdown. I’m uncertain whether elective surgeries are allowed or whether they’ve been canceled. I’m going to call the Surgery Center on Monday to find out. I could have called on Friday, but I wanted to remain hopeful throughout the weekend. 

Monday I’ll deal with reality. Why Monday? “Because rainy days and Mondays always get me down.” ~The Carpenters~

And

“Monday, Monday, can't trust that day Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way.” ~The Mamas & the Papas~So there’s no better day than Monday to get bad news.

In the meantime, I’ve decided once again, the wrist brace and I are constant companions, both day and night. Never, ever, will I entertain the notion of throwing it out. It’s too valuable, and who knows, I might need it again. From trophy to worthless piece of trash, back to treasure, then treasure to trash, and back again to treasure.

As I said, my relationship with my wrist brace has been long term, (six months) and complicated.

Writing about my relationship with my wrist brace provided me with an epiphany. I realized my complicated relationship with my brace has many similarities to relationships with people, especially when it comes to coping with cancer.

Coping with cancer is a life changing event, that most healthy friends and family won’t ever understand. Sometimes it’s tempting in moments of disappointment, frustration, anger, or upon hearing a thoughtless remark, to rid yourself of long term friendships, with family and friends.

My one piece of advice is simple.

DON’T DO IT.

Take a break if need be, change your level of sharing or expectations, but do not toss folks out of your life over a single disappointment, or unmet need, or expectation. That’s true in every relationship, whether cancer is involved or not.

Rick Redner & his wife Brenda Redner authored two award winning books, both available on Amazon. They are:  

I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction & Penile Implants