Don't Let Cancer Steal Your Holiday Joy

There's a group of men struggling with advanced prostate cancer who know, for certain, this is their last celebration of the holidays on this side of heaven.

Folks who are healthy don't think this way. They assume they have many more holiday seasons in their future.

The fact is, there is a significantly larger number of healthy folks who won't be alive next year for the holidays than there are men with advanced prostate cancer who won't be around.

Given that reality, my advice is the same whether you have terminal cancer or you don't: Live every holiday celebration as if it were your last.

Ask yourself: If this is my last holiday season, what are the most important things I want to say and do with my life, with my friends, my family and my partner.

As I look back on the 40 years of my professional career, I've been blessed. I've had a run as a medical, psychiatric and adoption social worker. 

I've owned and operated two successful businesses,

 I've written hundreds of articles about prostate cancer, spoken at conferences, written two award-winning books, and I've reached tens of thousands of folks coping with prostate cancer through my online ministries.

On a personal side, I'm blessed that I celebrated my 40th wedding anniversary this year. Together, we raised four amazing kids. 

We are blessed to be the grandparents of six.

I'm a twelve year prostate cancer survivor. My cup runneth over with blessings.

Even so, like everyone else, I carry within me my own family history of regrets, hurts, dysfunction, broken relationships, disappointments and loss.

These hurts and loss can tip the scale in such a way that, as the holidays approach, you're filled with sadness, grief and physical or psychological pain.

Folks who are chronically or terminally ill, grieving or depressed may feel a heightened sense of isolation and loneliness the entire holiday season.

Widows, widowers, kids who've lost their parents through death or divorce, parents who've lost their children, caretakers and the terminally ill are all vulnerable to experience a heightened sense of sadness or grief during this season.

There are literally thousands of articles written for those coping with cancer during the holidays.

 For those who are grieving, or those physically, emotionally, psychologically, relationally, or spiritually suffering, the holidays are filled with much sorrow.

 Don’t deny the pain, but find meaningful ways to take breaks and/or make room for ways to meaningfully connect with others. 

 You don't need health or wealth to give your family gifts of love.

In Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages, he identifies five ways people prefer to receive love. Of the five languages, four do not require spending money. The five are:

• Gifts.
• Quality time.
• Words of affirmation.
• Acts of service.
• Physical touch.

What if I told you I just received a gift that cost my son nothing to send, but it was so valuable to me that I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars? Are you curious about the gift?

My son gave me his permission to share his gift to me, with you. He sent this text message:

"Hey, Dad. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and your decision to follow Christ after all you went through as a young man.

I’m sorry for everything you went through with your family, but am deeply grateful towards God for calling you to be His servant. 

Your decision has shaped my entire life and my future, and my family’s future, so thank you for listening to Jesus’ call when Ryan (my oldest son) was born. 

I love you and am glad you are my dad."

I was wiping away my tears before I finished his text. My son gave me this gift in one of my primary love languages, which is "words of affirmation." I will cherish his gift all of my days.

I consider living out my faith in such a way that it was passed on to all four of my children as the greatest achievement and blessing of my life.

Re-read the five love languages. If you know someone's primary love language, give a gift that speaks to his or her  preferred language of love.

If your health or financial situation makes giving difficult, this holiday season, you can offer oral or written affirmation (it can be dictated, if you're unable to write) of your love, affection or appreciation to your friends, family, co-workers and neighbors.

If you doubt the value of that gift, remember, I wouldn't trade my gift for a million dollars.

Give and receive love and joy this holiday season. Anything else you give is icing on the cake.

May you, your family and loved ones have a blessed Christmas, Hanukkah and Happy New Year.

Note: An earlier version of  this article appeared in Prostate Cancer News Today 

Rick Redner and his wife Brenda Redner wrote two award winning books. The first:

I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours?

provides men and couples with information and support before, during and after prostate surgery.

Their second book was written for couples living with!erectile dysfunction. After living with erectile dysfunction for four years, Rick chose penile implant surgery. The couple share how implant surgery changed their lives and relationship.

The title of their book is:

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Erectile Dysfunction and Penile Implants.